Okay, it's about time I wrote something serious already. No sarcasms and jokes. This post will be a little emo.
This is true story which was told by friend of mine. It is about a girl who is given a chance to live in this world and she is trying to find a reason for her to live in this world. Here is her story.

It was one cooling Wednesday night. I was sitting in bed, reading one of my favourite books.
Mother walks in and gets into bed.

Mother and I had been sharing the same bed for 10 years, since Father left us. Leaving Mother and my 2 MeiMei(sister) alone to fend for themselves. I was the big JieJie(big sister), I took my responsibilities very well and do all the chores that are given to me. I make Mother laugh most of them time and try not to make her angry. I was the closest to Mother. I sacrifice my time and the things to give in to Mother to make her life better.

Life has not been easy for Mother since after Father left. She has to work late and come back home to cook dinner for us. To add more to that, Mother has to stand my sister flaws and wants. Sending and fetching my MeiMei's to and fro from tuition's and schools. One of the worst thing was my MeiMei was very stubborn and naive. She thinks she deserve a better and comforting life then what she has now. Mother was really upset.

Mother begin talking to me.

"Ah Mei arh, am I a bad mother?"

I look at her and reply her withouth giving away my emotions.
"No. You're an okay mom. Why?"

Mother sighs. "Sometimes, I feel like a bad mother."

I paused and think.
"Did MeiMei say you're lousy and stupid? Haiyah...don't care about her la. She got problems one la. You're a great mother. Don't care about her. She'll someday know when she gets old."

Mother laugh which shows that she was feeling better after what I said.

I close my book and look at my mirror, whilst combing my hair.
I touch my face. A birth mark scar on my sunken cheeks, which will never go away. It has been the problem to face the society these days. People would stare at the scar on my face and it has been like that for a long time. I was a bit depressed by it when a guy insulted me because of my scar.

"Mother, why do I have to be the eldest,"I asked.

This time, Mother look at me.
Mother hesitated and started slowly.

"Actually...you're not the first..."

My heart literally stop beating at that moment. Things were already racing through my mind. So many of them.
How could it be? This is not happening. My mind spoke.
So, Mother actually has a daughter/son somewhere out there? Where?
What happen to her/him? Could she have put her/him into an orphanage home or something?
How can this be happening?! Why is it like those TV Dramas and movies?! 

I choose to not to believe.
I was speechless for a moment. I couldn't find anything to say. My voice forbid me to speak. I was literally stoning there.

When I found back my voice, I tried to act it cool and pretend to be surprise.
"HAR?! Then who is the first wor...."

Mother was now talking softly. But I could hear what she was saying.
"Before we got married, I was 2 weeks pregnant. I told your father, but he didn't want any babies. Your father accompany me to a private clinic for abortion."

She continued,"that was after the abortion. Your father married me and you came after that."

As a civilized citizen, we all knew that sex before marriage is bad and dangerous. But, adding to my pain feelings, abortion was even worse. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what I was hearing was actually coming from Mother. My heart wanted to choose not to believe, but I somehow my heart have to accept it.
I felt myself feeling deeply sadden by this.

I couldn't sleep that night. There were too many things on my mind. I was literally crying myself to sleep. I didn't want to believe it. I was living in my thoughts of fear.

My thoughts read me.
What if I was that fetus who got aborted? What if that was me?
What if I was never born into this world?
Why does that fetus, who has a slight chance to live in this world, have to die instead of me taking it's place?
Why not me but the fetus?
Why am I born into this world?

So many "whys" but nobody can answer it.
Why la? Why me?

Life is already a suffering thing. We have to go through so much suffering. Anger, sadness, friendship, love, money, growing up, and eventually dying. It is already so suffering, but why can't they just give my place to someone else.

I was literally in tears when I thought through the things I've been through in life.
What will my besties will be like if they hadn't met me? Will they still laugh and cry even when I'm not there? Will the both of them even be together when I'm not there?
What happens if I hadn't been the President of The Volleyballs Club? Will they be the Champions like they are today?
What happens when I wasn't around to help that old lady who fell onto the road when an upcoming car was ahead? Will she die in a car accident?
What happens if I hadn't told the teacher that the Bio Lab was on fire? Will the students die in the burning fire building?



I was born to serve the people. To help them. To serve God and carry out His task given to me.
I was born to reach out for them. I was fated to be born.
I was born so that I would make my first move to unite both of my besties.
I was born so that I could lead the losing club team to be who they are today.
I was born so to prevent the car from hitting the old lady and preventing an car accident.
I was born to alert the teachers of the fire so that students won't have to be injured or die.

I cried. Everything made sense in the end.
Thank God and the heavens for giving me the chance to be born into this world.


And the reason why I'm here, is to tell my readers, to be thankful to be alive. A message from God.