Well, this very well summed up the end of my 3-month gap. During this duration, I've spent much more time on SELF-DISCOVERY. From food allergies to my lack of self expression, and on certain grey areas which I never knew about myself until much confrontation.
I've been self-reflecting a lot (one of my most favourite hobby I found out). Thinking a lot. On many factors which is stopping myself from expressing my feelings.
There's so many factors. You can read it here.
From a broken childhood experience, to people who have shut me out completely. But that's the way I am. It had already groomed me into this person today. Am still learning how to let go of myself, but it's gonna be very VERY hard. Because, not only I'm PRETENDING to be myself, but also I can't just do that to everyone I meet. How much I express also depends on who you are to me. Trust me, I can't simply just express myself like that.
Plus, this is also the first time that I chose to go jobless for 3 months, to complete my final year project, which is just halfway done (FML -_-). I like WORKING, but not working for 3 months is unbearable! Thinking about not earning a single cent, and eating grass for my next uni semesters is so......... DEADLY.
But somehow at the end of my 3rd month, I manage to land myself a job. A very well payed one and a good working exposure that can land me a good career. However, this also means that I have to change the way I communicate with my colleagues and the way I lead my people. Guess my servant leadership skills won't work at this current situation. I need to be more authoritative and take responsibility in every decision I make.
Not only that, exposing myself to different cultures is definitely a plus point especially at my current age. They say traveling opens up your eyes to the world, and it definitely did. The different countries I've travelled to are all beautiful. And flying a lot has made forced me to go through my fear for heights. But even after all that flying, I still HATE FLYING. It's STILL FUCKING SCARY !!! Especially when you watched the plane wings keep WOBBLING as if it's gonna GO OFF at any moment!!
But then again, at the end of the day, what I'm truly blessed is that I have met wonderful people, teachers/lecturers, friends, and Kalyana Mitras who had walked in to my life, inspired me, taught me, understand me, and financially/physically/mentally helped me. Although there are people who had walked out of my life, there's a very good reason why they weren't supposed to stay.
I honestly feel that I'm the luckiest person in the world, but I couldn't have gotten any luckier, if I hadn't met all of YOU. So, thank you :')
Welcome back to reality, Siew Lin.
Welcome back to Malaysia.
