1.40am.

Exactly 3 hours and 25 minutes ago, that 38th IDC post-mortem meeting was adjourned.

I can't believe that when I was leaving the BGF building, I'm not leaving as a participant anymore, but as a committee.

So, how do I feel now that everything is over? To be honest...

Nothing.

I felt nothing. Not knowing sure why.

I wished I knew the reason myself.

Maybe because I felt so numbed after that small "incident" that happen in KCBA? As I recalled back, I was quite traumatized because I felt a sense of negative aura or something eerie lingering around, before the actual incident happen.

So many IF's I told myself:

What IF I had gone to the toilet myself, without Pui Yen accompanying me?

What IF I left my phone in the activity hall, and decided to go take it myself?

What IF I became so kepoci, and decided to go out the balcony to see what were the dogs barking at?

Holy flying fox... I can't imagine what will happen to me. Like, seriously.

However, what matter most is that I'm still alive and breathing :)

On the other hand, I was fully aware that I was really quiet and self-conserve throughout the whole camp. Maybe I was trying to observe my thoughts during this different environment with different people, especially with so many things going on at the same time.

Perhaps, I was just being me.

* * *

"Why can't I put more than one colours into my glitter jar?" I asked.

"Because... you can only choose one," she said.

"But why can't I choose all?"

No one dared to answer.

Somehow, I felt a little bit disappointment because it wasn't a valid answer that I wanna accept. Okay, since I can't have all the colours, then, I'm gonna put 4 full spoons of this pink colour!

"Siew Lin!! That's too much!! 1 scoop it's enough!!" someone exclaimed.
Ish! Got caught red-handed. Feeling sad, I scooped back the liquid back into the container.

"Does the colours signify anything?" I questioned her further, somehow feeling annoyed because I can't have my own way.

She shrugged. "Don't know? Maybe it signifies the direction or goal that you want to focus in life? I think so la."

I began to ponder.

So does that mean that if I put many colours into my jar, it signifies that I'm being too ambitious and too greedy? Everything that I want, I must have in life?

* 

"Sis.Ching Wi...?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think it's okay to be greedy? I mean, it's normal for human beings to be greedy, right? Especially when it comes to materialistic stuffs."

"Hmm.... "

"But, sometimes I find myself being too greedy when it comes to experience. I'm always greedy to learn everything and anything, and if there's something that I've never done it before, I would always want to learn it. Is that a bad thing?"

"Well... I think it's okay to be greedy when it comes to learning. As long as it makes you a better, and more positive person, right? There are endless opportunities to learn in life, so I believe there isn't a period when a person stops learning, because experiences helps you grow."