‘Why am I even here?’
The moment Sue opened her eyes, and there she was.
The same place. Same nostalgic smell. Everything exactly as it was. It seems like nothing has changed after 10 years.
The breezy cold weather made Sue shivered for a moment before realizing she had a jacket at the back of the car.
Sue turned around and walked towards the car park, only to realize...
‘Oh wait. I don't have a car. But how did I even get here?’ Sue thought to herself.
Sue looked over the billboard, hovered next to the car park entrance.
It was a billboard ad. A picture of the girl with a big grin on her face, showing a handful of strawberries, accompanied by the big, blueprinted words that say, “Welcome to Cameron Highland”.
Sue was lost in thought at that moment and stood there for a good 10 minutes, trying to figure out why and how she was there. She probably had an agenda of the day, because obviously, she wouldn’t even choose to do something meaningless like travelling 2 hours away from home to a town at the top of the mountain without having anything to accomplish.
‘GRAB. Yes! I must have come here by GRAB, but where should I go next?’
Sue thought for a while and suddenly remembered.
‘Oh. Yes. I heard he was in town too. Maybe I should visit him?’
But why Sue, why? You aren’t supposed to see him. Another voice spoke to her.
‘I’m fine. Really. And I just wanna drop by and say hi.’ Sue convinces herself.
Sue popped out her phone to check the address of the hotel that he was staying in. She was pretty sure he was there. His Facebook clearly shows that he had just checked-in to that particular hotel 30minutes ago.
Sue booked a ride from GRAB to the hotel. Feeling pretty confident and excited that she finally gets to see him again.
‘It’s been a while. I wonder how are you doing?’ Sue silently thought as the driver took Sue around the winding roads of the north.
The taxi dropped Sue at the hotel's main drive-thru entrance.
The hotel remains the same as 10 years ago as Sue had imagined. The walls of the building are nicely wrapped in vines, the small 10-unit car park next to it, and the classic wooden door of the hotel entrance greeted her with open arms. Sue walked across the checkered floor lobby towards the receptionist.
“I’m here to visit a friend.”
“Name?” The lady receptionist asks.
“Mr.Lum Khai Joon.”
The receptionist briefly tapped away on her keyboard as her eyes navigate quickly through the screen.
“Ahh! Found him.” She exclaims. “He just checked in a few hours ago. His room is 204, level 2.”
“Thank you very much.”
Sue knows the way to the lift as if it was her very own house.
But something got into her as she suddenly paused and turned around, heading for the stairs instead.
‘Maybe I’ll take the stairs this time. Well, you know. To slow things down and enjoy the moment on how this hotel hadn’t changed since we came here.’
As she reaches the 2nd floor, she walked along the carpeted pathway of the long corridor.
‘Even the carpet hadn’t changed a bit. I miss this musty smell.’
Sue arrived in front of Room 204 but realized that the door was slightly ajar.
‘He must have just entered the room and forgotten to closed it tight.’
Sue reaches out her hand to the doorknob but paused halfway.
‘Wait. Wouldn’t it be rude to just walk in like that? I mean. I’m pretty sure he’ll be surprised to see me, but I think it’ll also scare the shit out of him when someone estranges could just walk in like that.’
Sue stood there for what seems forever. Struggling with the thought of the surprise element versus the thought that he will be mad at her for disrespecting him.
‘Arghh…. What the heck.’ Sue brushed the thought off and gently pushed the door open.
She was greeted with a lited entrance. The sound of showers was the first thing that she heard and it was coming from the door on her left. Someone was showering.
At the end of the room, it was dark and barely lited. There were balloons and beer cups and alcohol all over the table. It seems like it was someone’s birthday.
Sue walked closer to the darkroom to look around. At the corner of her eye, she noticed something moved. Sue froze.
Someone was in bed. Underneath the sheets, the figure liked person turned and nudged the covers a little, revealing the stranger’s face.
It was a woman. Her looks, fairly average like any other girl next door but look slightly older than Sue’s age. She was still sound asleep and was lightly snoring away in her dreams, being unaware that a psycho person like her is in the room, staring back at her.
Sue's heart started racing. She wasn’t expecting to see someone in Khai Joon’s room.
I mean. Think straight Sue, what you mean you weren’t expecting to see someone in his room? It is his room after all! He can bring whoever he likes! That voice spoke to her again.
Sue turned around to see the scattered birthday cards and gifts on the table. The only obvious one that she could instantly read it off in one glance, was a pale yellow card with a huge printed “Happy Birthday Bibi”.
Sue didn’t know how to feel. She knows she wasn’t supposed to be there. She’s intruding into someone’s private life.
‘I need to get out of here.’ Sue panicked.
Sue slowly backed out from the room. Being careful to not make any sound even though her heartbeat sounded louder in her ears than her footsteps.
She instantly regretted she made this decision. She shouldn’t have been so busybody in the first place. Why do you have to be so busybody?
Inches away from the exit door, suddenly, there was a click from the bathroom door. The door opened and the steam of air came rushing out. Sue stopped dead in her tracks and stood still right in front of the bathroom door. She felt someone looking at her, analyzing her like a piece of meat. She turned her head and finally, their eyes met.
Sue and Khai Joon stood there staring at each other. Khai Joon, half-naked, with a towel wrapped around his waist and his eyes wide opened. Even in that situation, he remains calm and composed, and the very least, surprised.
It felt like minutes, hours, eternity until somehow one of them realize it was getting a bit too awkward to not say something.
“What are you doing here?” Khai Joon finally spoke up.
“I…”
Sue felt a sense of uneasiness in her heart, but she knows that she had to be strong for herself. Especially in front of him.
“…heard you in were in town and I thought it would be nice to drop by to just say hi.”
“I see…,” he said.
‘I see? Two miserable words and nothing else? That’s just so like him. Even he hasn’t changed a bit.’
“Congratulations by the way. I hope you’re happy.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, look. I’m just here to say hi. Didn’t mean to intrude. I hope you’ll enjoy your weekend.”
Without another word, Sue left the room without saying goodbye.
Who needs goodbyes? Saying goodbyes is like saying you’ll never see them again.
By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs in the lobby, her eyes were flooded with tears.
‘Why am I sad? Shouldn’t I be happy for him?’
‘He moved on. But how could he?’
Thoughts after thoughts came gushing to Sue’s mind. Emotions after emotions. Feelings after feelings.
It’s only been a while since they broke up and never in Sue’s mind would she expect that he’ll move on pretty fine without her. She wished he didn’t. Because he didn’t deserve it. After all that he had done to her. Wishing him the best was the worst thing she wanted for him. The only thing she wished was that he didn’t exist.
Sue looked around the hotel drive-thru entrance for a vehicle. None to be found besides a bored-looking taxi driver, loafing around the entrance and chanting “Taxi?” to every person who walks by.
The taxi driver somehow knew she was looking for one and called out to her. “Taxi?”
Sue avoided looking at him and took out her phone. She knew she only had one person to call.
“Where are you?” She immediately asks when the other end picked up her call.
“Taiping Zoo. Why?
“What are you even doing there?”
“I wanted to watch the circus. Didn’t I tell you before?”
“No? You didn’t tell me anything.”
“Well, maybe I didn’t. But I thought you had something else to do? You told me to just do my stuff.”
Sue couldn’t even be bothered to answer him. She knows she had something else urgent to ask.
“I remember you said you’re going back by bus, right? Any chance they have extra tickets?”
“Erm…” there was a short pause on the other hand, “I think it’s too late to get the bus tickets now. I asked you the other day and you said you’ll arrange your own transport, remember?”
That was it. That’s the answer she needed from him.
“Alright. No problem. I’ll call you back later.” Sue hung up. Again, without even uttering a goodbye.
By the time she hung up. Sue realized that the sun had already set and the night lights were already turned on. The evening had already begun and it was already 7.30pm. The driveway entrance was filled with families rushing in and out the main door, pulling along their kids and dragging luggage up and down the stairs, probably all busy getting ready to head home before the weekday arrives.
‘There’s still hope though.’ Sue thought.
She bravely walked up to the bored-looking taxi driver who was leaning against the wall. Knowingly that she appeared to be desperate for a ride back home, the taxi driver smirked at her.
“Taxi, Miss? We can give you cheap price!” he said.
“How much to go back to KL?”
“KL?!” he exclaims. His face looked surprised at the moment as if he had hit a jackpot full of gold. The taxi driver turned to his subordinate and exchange a few words in Malay before turning to her again with a promising face.
“6,000!”
“What?”
“6,000!” He repeated
“In Malaysian Ringgit?”
“In Australian Dollars.”
“What the fuck?”
“6,000 Australian Dollar Miss. Here hard to get taxi. But we can drive you there. No problem!” Said the taxi driver in his broken English. Sue noticed that he may just be using her disadvantage to scam the hell out of her.
‘Am I dreaming or what? How on earth is Cameron Highland charging Australian Dollars?! Did we just switch to an Australian Prime Minister?’
Well, to be frank, Sue, you haven’t been catching up with the news. We might have. A voice ridiculed her.
Sue knows she had the lower end of the deal. She was in a difficult situation where any solution is worth trying. Bargaining was her only choice.
“No cheaper?” Sue asked, sounding like a desperate negotiator.
“6,000 AUD. Or no go home.” The taxi driver gestures her away as he turned and returned to his usual lazy routine. He leaned against the wall and ignore her.
Sue paced around for a moment. Thinking.
‘How am I to go back?’
Sue needs to go. She can’t stay. Not at any moment. She needs to get away from here. She doesn’t belong here. She hates it here. She doesn’t want to see him and that bitch.
Sue looked at the dark long highway road just down the hill from the drive-thru.
‘Maybe I could walk back?’
The fuck? Walk back? Along the dark highway? 250km away from home? What happens if I kena kidnapped, raped, and killed?
Sue couldn’t take it. She slumped down to the stairs of the drive-thru porch and broke down. She had no way of going home now. She needed help. Very badly.
In her tears, she knows that she had to exhaust all possibilities she had. Hoping that things will appear for the best even if she knew that the probability of it happening is bleak.
Sue redialed the same number she had hung up earlier.
“Hello?” the call answered.
Sue knows that she couldn’t contain her trembling scared voice.
“Yow….”
“Hey… Sue… are you okay?
“Help.” She broke down and sobbed. “I need help to go back.”
“Oh, Sue….” He paused. “Where are you now?”
“Cameron Highlands.”
“Jesus Christ.” He sighed.
Sue didn’t reply. She was struggling to hold back her tears and her sniffles. But each time she does, it only became harder for her to hold back anything. Including herself.
“Sorry Sue. I wish I could help. Sorry.”
Sue hung up. No goodbyes. Again.
Sue cried even harder. Knowing this time that nothing is going to work.
It was the moment in her life where she felt so vulnerable, even more so when she reached out to ask for someone’s help but no help was provided. She felt so useless, clueless, and lost. Knowing that in all her life, she had everything under control. She has always tried to be strong for herself and everyone else around her.
Until now. Until this happens. This exact moment where it broke her.
But Sue knows.
She knows that calling Yow wasn’t her very last attempt.
She knows that even when she has nothing else left, she still always has a way out from any chaos that is happening in her life.
She still has that last option left. But it’s not going to be good and comfortable for her to do so.
She picks up her phone and dials a different number.
A number she hasn’t called for a long time.
“Hello?” A familiar voice answered.
“Hey…”
* * *
It was raining heavily on the way back home.
Sue looked out the window of the car, feeling a little more relieved than she had earlier. Relief was the only feeling she needs to feel right now. However, in some corners in her heart, there was a mix of bitter feelings. She wasn’t expecting this to happen, but who cares? All she knows is that she can finally head home.
The lady sitting in at the passenger seat felt a little uneasy as if she looked like she had a lot of questions in her mind, but it was the least of Sue’s concerns. It’s not her problem anyway.
Khai Joon turned on the music to fill the silence. No one spoke a thing throughout the whole trip.
But the silence was good. Silence is all that Sue needs at the moment.
She just needed to go home. Nothing else matters.
Tears slipped at the corner of her eyes, but she didn’t bother to wipe it away, fearing that Khai Joon will notice them. Sue had to hold them in, no matter what. No matter how hard her blocked nose is preventing her from breathing, the sobs, the sniffles, and her unhappy disgruntled feeling inside, she has to accept the 2 hours of uncomfortable feeling inside of her to go home.
She might still go back home and cry again. Maybe for hours or days, but for now, she will just hold it in…
… and be strong.
