I'm getting all the more lazy to do this reflective journal every year before my birthday.

But all the heartbreaking moments and tough events that happened this year are the ones I should never want to forget. The biggest challenge this year for me was getting out of my comfort zone. As you know, once you're there, you're never gonna grow. It's a big wake up call to me. Thanks to the "alarm", next year I'm going to endure every little bit of pain to be what I want to be.

Bring it on, 2020.

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1. Completed My First Viper Challenge

Because I was a chicken, we only did the easiest category, and I realize how badly this event was organized. Long waiting time, and ridiculous long queue to get the entry band. Not even punctual according to the timing flag off. Very bad privacy security, I could just search some random person’s name and e-mail via their website. If I were an MLM agent, these data will definitely serve as a good e-mail ads spam.

 

2. Did My Favourite Workshop On Marathon In D2YC

Teaching something that I’ve been training for almost 4 years is something that I’ve been passionate about. Incorporating the Dhamma values into my trainings has helped me mentally and physically as a person, and it would seemed relevant these days to not only educate the younger Buddhist generation that Buddhism is only for work, relationships, etc., but is also relevant for sports and any activities that we do too.

 

3. Hike Up Gunung Datuk

The next day after camp, I had a zombie climbed up to the famous scenaric view of Seremban. It was truly beautiful and breathtaking. #noregrets

 
4. Bought Being Sponsored A Suunto Watch And Won Myself A Trip To Koh Samui

With plans to venture into triathlon, I decided to take my performance to another level with the multi-sport watch. At the same time, I saw an opportunity to win a trip to pamper my mom to a holiday. I brought my sister along (with a hefty expensive fee), and enjoyed our quality girls trip for the first time.

5. Completed My MSTA Practical Course And Swim Butterfly

After attending my so-called swim teacher internship, I realize 2 things, some teachers are bloody unprofessional when it comes to handling kids, 2nd, touch is really important to connect to the students.

6. Attended My First Company Trip To Tandom Hill

Even though it’s my 3rd time at this place, I truly enjoyed the time spent with these people who I’ve been working alongside. I almost panicked when I saw Richard, Director of my company, gasping for air during one of the water activities (he was in my team). The only thing I could do was pull him to safety, but so glad he was fine. Happy for my team that won 2nd place with all the team work, and making me the proudest team leader for having such an amazing team!

7. Got Hooked To PUBG

When I first played it, my hands trembled and shook from all the shooting, scary lonely relocation trips, and sudden sniping deaths. Of course, it got better over time and I also learnt a few things about this game. One, to analyse and be sensitive to the surroundings, and be patient not to rush into fights not worth fighting for. Second, I think I’m better in solo because I’m a horrible team player. I can’t even save/cover my teammates lol. Third, I’m the noob camper every gamer calls lol.

8. Reconnect With Familiar Faces

It was one of my new year resolutions this year to reconnect with people who had inspired and put me through certain phase in life that had forced me to grow up to be who am I today. But there's only a handful of energy and time I have, so I tried by best to meet at least 1 person a month. Sadly, I can only meet 6 of them this year. Still, thanks for the meet up Carmen Lee, Surej, Kuang Shan, Poh Ling, Lisynn, Melvin Seow, and Jonathan Khoo.

Nevertheless, I still think it's a good continuous effort to reconnect with those who had meant alot to us at one point, at least it's not through social media and we get to stay inspired and positive. So, yes. I'll definitely continue this. So next time when I ajak you out, please don't take it personally ya, my intentions are purely just to reconnect, not to sell you some insurance or MLM scheme. 

 

9. Got A New Bicycle

Just my loving boyfriend showing his support for my triathlon goals. Thanks for all your love!

 
10. Celebrated our 3rd Year Anniversary at Fraser Hills

It was the scariest trip to camp at the pitch dark campsite (did I mentioned there was practically no one there?) after coming back from a 5 hour hike from The Pine Tree Trail. The most memorable moment was having to enjoy my boyfriend’s delicious meal after a freezing cold bath by the running river.

 
11. First Time Sitting At The Main Table

I thought I could just sit down and shake leg to enjoy the dinner, but oh well… a girlfriend’s gotta do, what a girlfriend’s gotta do to sit at a VIP table.

 

12. Tried VR Gaming for the first time

3 words. Cool. Realistic. Fun! (Except for the part when I have to shoot flying virtual cockroaches flying towards me)

13. Camp In A Shopping Mall To Purchase My First Concert Ticket

Not a big fan of Westlife, but automatically became one after this crazy adventure. Just decided to jump in the wagon one fine day from a spontaneous YOLO decision. Went camping in the shopping mall with my beloved Ken-Hui, and enjoyed the concert with “My Love” for the first time. Found out that I can actually earn money from queuing to buy and sell tickets. Will slot this in as a back-up plan if I’m broke next time lol.

Sorry KenHui, I lost all my pictures of us together. This shall be the best memory of us with them. Also, I get to "hugged" Mark's legs kukubird

14. Took A Break And Understand Myself More About My Relationship Anxiety

In a relationship, hardships, heartaches, and disappointment are bound to happen. Cried and overthink more than I need to, only to realize that I couldn’t continue going on like this. So, when I can’t change something, I learned how to adapt to it. Along the journey, I not only understand my partner more, but also I get to know myself better. It brought me closer to knowing what I emotionally/physically need, and communicating those needs in a compassionate way to my partner without hurting his feelings. I also learnt that I have a mini anxiety of my relationship ending up in the same divorce situation as my parents. I hold on to the attachment to prevent that from happening again until I became obsessive to “correct” my partner actions. I overthink on every lil’itty bitty on things that he did and it affected me mentally and emotionally until I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and I should stop it. With more time and practice to come, one day, I will be comfortable being okay to communicate my vulnerabilities to my partner.

“Commitments aren’t chosen once and then done—but must be chosen again and again and again, as life, people and understanding evolve.” 

15. Attended My First Toastmasters Meeting

Wanted to do this quite some time back but didn’t have the time. Thanks to Lee Ying Ying’s encouragement, I took up the courage to try their impromptu table topic. The thrill, excitement and anxiousness excites me to come out from my comfort zone. And I did. I miss this feeling for a long time.

 

16. Attended My First Bon Odori

Again, this was part of my to-do list, and I’m glad that I had truly manage to immerse myself with the event together with my good friends.

 

17. Had A Rough Time At Worked And Had Shifted 3 Times

New projects, new portfolio, more expectations, more stress. Still trying to adapt myself to the new challenges ahead and make myself relevant to the current industry. It’s either I adapt or die a slow death like the rest of the traditional retail world. Staying up to date with your skills and knowledge in the industry you’re working with is truly important. Oh, did I mentioned I shifted table 3 times? With the last being back to the original place I once started? =.=

18. See Something I Love, Die

I still couldn’t forget the horrible scene of my dog dying as we rush to the nearby pet clinics to save him. Until this day, we still couldn’t identify the cause of death. For the first time, I cried for something that I never thought will go away someday. I still miss you Loki. Very Much

19. Helped Out In 42th Incovar Dhamma Camp

Camp always came at the right time when my life is upside down. I’m glad that it had helped me find the right answers to all my life challenges, emotional, and spiritual needs this year. I’m indeed blessed to be able to receive all these teachings at this moment of my life. Bhante was right, I’m more spiritually better and happier than I’m used to.

20. Achieved my personal best twice in 21KM Sub 2.30 Category

Surprisingly, even with the lack of training, my performance is 12 minutes faster than my last personal best. Achieved my 2.30 sub goals in IJM Seremban Half Marathon and Kuala Lumpur Standard Chartered Half Marathon. I guess performance gets better when we age.

21. Swam My First Openwater At Pork Dickson And Went On To Achieve Oceanman Krabi 5KM

It would be a lie if I never told you that it was deep shit crazy, and scary to swim in the open water. Achieving half-oceanman was the biggest achievement and highlight of my year, and I still find it hard to swallow (eventhough I’ve swallowed a lot of seawater). Of course along the journey, I met some great friends and athletes who helped me along the way, and thanks to them, I made it! Special thanks to my supportive boyfriend for being there for me. If there’s only 1 person I can pick to be at the finishing line, it’s him…. with a pack of potato chips.

 
22. Took Our First Family Photo Together

Thank goodness we took this picture at my current age. At least I look more femininely and maturely gorgeous in the pic. Much better without my braces if we took it when I just graduated. #truestory

23. Reliving My Art-sy Side Of Me

I missed the art side of me during the high school days. The watercolour stains on my hands, the colours coming together on a paper, the deep concentration of just being in the moment. I missed all of that. I didn’t know where to start again. So, I did this. Sometimes it’s sad that people lose a part of their side which they used to love (and are talented in). I wish this doesn’t have to happen to me.

 

24. Spend More Time With My Mom

After dating some time, I realized and felt that I was so selfish to spend time doing my favourite activities with my partner instead of my mom. This put me into question, there are some things that we both likes, but why can’t I do it with her? Instead, I decided to do it with boyfriend? If I were a mom, I would also wish that my daughter/son would spend time with me and bring me to fun places (It’s a promise to myself that I’m gonna be the very-in-mom okay.). So, I decided to take her out to make her feel happy, healthy, and young again. Not only did I get to bond and understand her better, but I also realize that my mom is getting old, and it means the world to me if I could always be there to protect and spend time with her.  

25. Started Preparing My Own Lunch To Work

Once upon a time, I attended a property gallery showroom with Lai YiXuan and I realized I can't even afford a 10% down payment for a 700k hotel/house unit (not that I need it or plan to buy, I'm just a kepochi). After reviewing my financial planning and receiving a few naggings from my boyfriend, I realized I overspend a lot on food. At the same time, the opportunity came up to cook up some recipes for a video shooting for Butterfly. Not only that, my boyfriend home cooked lunch habits had inspired me to do the same. Since then, I would cook and prepare my own lunch at least once or twice a week. Other days, I would be strict on my spending to RM10/day, and a one day special expensive lunch treat to reward myself. The results? I saved up to RM200-RM300/month, which is basically a lot from my usual RM500/month food budget. Now, I’m more interested in cooking and learning new recipes, but healthy or not healthy, is another story. Lol

This by far is the most delicious recipes I've created. Bacon garlic fried rice with celery at the side. All you need is an egg, carrot cubs, diced onions and garlic, sliced bacon, overnight rice, and a tablespoon of soya sauce to enjoy the yummy-ness!

26. Experience My First Car Break-In And Got My Phone Stolen

Although it has been almost more than 2 weeks, I’m still feeling a bit of the trauma from the incident. I was lost, and in a disbelief moment. “How could this happen to me?” I kept thinking to myself, even until now. It’s also my first trip to the police station, and I’m so glad that there are people around me to help me. I’m fortunate that I only lost a phone.

Well, at least I’m safe from harm and danger, and it gave me a good excuse to get myself a new phone. Did I mentioned that it’s seriously super difficult to get help when you have no phone? It’s also hard to get by without a mobile data on your phone these days.

 

 * * *

Today, I turned 27. 

1. Went for a Year End Road Trip

Ending and celebrating year 2017 and 2018 with a trip down North, Penang – Kedah – Perak, and lastly Kuala Lumpur with someone special.

2. Celebrated 1 Year Working Anniversary at Interbase

1 year went by in a blink of an eye, and many interesting things happened during this challenging phase. Feeling all the more blessed for “accidentally” finding my current job, and hoping things stay positive, challenging and interesting as long as I’m here.

3. Celebrated Our 2 Years Anniversary

Time doesn’t define how strong our relationship is, but being with him has made me changed as a person during this duration of our relationship. I realized I was more health conscious about my diet and exercises. I try to make my facts clear with solid statements, and try not to assume (let me emphasize on the word “TRY”. Haha). I was more caring as a person to those around me, as he is to me.

4. Became a Swimming Teacher

I have always wanted to do this for a very long time– since my university days, but I guess the assignments, club societies and D2Y got me all caught up, leaving no place for me to think about it. However, during the journey of achieving it, I was totally in doubt when I failed my swimming competency test. I left my wondering dreams for a little while, while I try to work out a backup plan to feed my dreams until one day, again, I “accidentally” met a swimming coach who is looking for someone like me. Looking back, I really thank myself for signing up for this, although it’s slightly uncomfortable at difficult times, but good things will always take place when you work hard for something good you believe in.

5. First Bestie to Be Off the Market

Happy for my uni bestie, Hoh Sheng Ying, to finally found her happily ever after. Getting together for assignments, uni trips, and the frequent driving trips to send you home, has been a wonderful memory of us growing up together. Seeing you being sent away, ensured me that your husband could give you that happiness you deserve for a very long time.

I think I’m at that phase where all your enemies, childhood friends, cousins, someone-from-uni-you-used-to-know, are getting married and you will start to feel like : Dam, where is this phase leading me to?

6. Went Rock Climbing and First Time Training to Be a Belayer

My boyfriend re-introduce me to rock climbing, and I’m quite hooked after a few tries of this sport. Special thanks to Derrick Tan for the special tips and lessons on the belaying techniques. I’m still pretty scared of heights though (I have trust issues with the rope… and my boyfriend as a belayer haha… just jk).

7. Completed My First Full Marathon

This was the ultimate physical and mental challenge that I have been waiting for all my life (SCMKL'18 & PBIM'18). I grew up as a short distance runner back in secondary school, and I asked myself, how far can my body take? Is it ever possible for my body to complete a long distance run? How is it like to run a marathon?

Making this decision to conquer the state of impossibilities was the biggest impact in my life. It taught me lessons of perseverance, mental and physical discipline, and most importantly, mindfulness and awareness of the body and the mind.

The shortest answer to my above questions : Anything impossible can be accomplished as long as you conditioned your body and mind to do it.

8. Travelled to Jeju Island

It was originally planned to be an advance birthday surprise for my boyfriend, but of course, he was unaware of it. The highlight of the trip was the hike up to South Korea’s highest mountain – Mt.Hallasan, because hiking was his favourite activity. It was also a training prior to our Mt.Kinabalu expedition. Besides the hike, we had fun driving around Jeju for the first time. The Love Land Park was surprisingly intriguing. And, I almost got caught by a traffic police for driving illegally (yikes!).

9. Passed my Lifesaving Bronze Medallion Test

After months of physical and mental training, the efforts really paid off. The moment where I dived into the pool at the sound of the whistle, made me questioned myself, “Why am I even doing this?”

A really common question, but throughout the whole lonely swimming process, I thought about the kids, my family and friends, my boyfriend, and myself.

10. First Time Voting and a Change of Government

It’s pretty clear what the millennials want, and all they want is change. I’m fortunate and glad that we are part of this new change in history.

11. Finished Reading a Book After 2 Years

The lack of discipline and motivation resulted to 2 years of procrastination to complete this book. This is really bad, as I reflected back; because how am I supposed to gain more insights and knowledge in the future if I lacked so much discipline to read? Selling this book at RM10 at Carousel if you’re interested. It’ll be free for those who treat me to lunch ;)

12. Attended My First Cultural Malay Wedding

I was really there, can you spot me?

13. Took Laughing Gas

When I took it for the first time, I didn’t really laugh. It’s quite depressing to know that when the moment “arises”, I shed tears more than I laugh. May be due to stress and pressure at the time when this happens. But rest assured, it wasn’t something harmful when I did this.

14. Welcome Back Sara

I threw a prank to get everyone together to announce my “red bomb”. Unfortunately, to their disappointment, it wasn’t. Haha… It was a celebration for Ooi Shin Yee’s birthday and also to welcome Sara back to Malaysia.

15. Did My first Open Water Swim

It was a teaser to my triathlon training. Once at Putrajaya Lake, and my second at Port Dickson beach. The fear of what lies underneath the water still scares me. But it’s something that I have to overcome if I ever want to do a triathlon in the future.

16. Getaway Trip to Cherating

A getaway trip together with Sara to Cherat to spend some long lost friendship times. Touched a turtle and saw fireflies up closed for the first time. Will gonna miss the times we spent together.

17 Became an Aunty

I always wanted to have my own family one day, but looks like my sister beat me to it. Baby boy, Aiden, is well and healthy. I’m starting to have a certain liking towards babies recently though, but… hahahaha (refer picture below).

18. Did FB Live Bidding

Came out from my comfort zone to become a 1-hour online salesperson. It was the challenge that sparks the interest in me to just do it. Up till now I still haven’t watched the live bidding video yet, and I don’t think I plan to watch it, ever. Let’s just keep it buried deep down in the history of Facebook forever ya.

19. Did Discovery Scuba Diving

After attending discovery scuba diving, I conclude that if “swimming” and “scuba diving” are two real people, they won’t be good friends, because the breathing method is so different! And if anything goes wrong in the deep while scuba diving, it’s really GG.com. Can’t wait to take the full scuba diving course together with Tan Kai Lin next year!

20. Visited Fraser Hill & Went Water Rafting at Gopeng with My Swim Team

Just a quick getaway from the city and more bonding time with my swimming family.

21. Visited Kota Kinabalu and Conquered Mt.Kinabalu for the First Time

The main highlight of the trip was paragliding and the climb to Mt.Kinabalu. It was a tough climb, but Laban Rata and the peak was the most memorable one. I still remembered being too bold, climbing through the darkness alone during the trip up to the peak at 2am++. I was ahead from the rest of the groups and it was pitch dark and quiet. A sense of fear struck me when I stopped to look around, finding out that there’s no one around me. I was scared due to safety and survival reasons (I had no water with me), but when I look up at the skies, the stars ensured me that I was gonna be fine. And sure enough, I was.

22. Attended BYFG as a Participant

I thought it would be great to finally enjoy the games just for once, but in actual fact, I think running a half marathon also not that tiring (insert crying emoji here). I personally enjoyed the Bludgers role in Quidditch, and the good old match of Captain Ball.

23. Second Work Outstation Trip to Penang

Not sure if it’s a coincidence. My last company trip was also to Penang in conjunction of the Penang Bridge Marathon. This time, it’s also in Penang— and it’ll be a frequent one too. I guess the Penang spirit will forever be with me.

24. Attended MSTA Swimming Course

Once in awhile, it’s good to have similar minded people to reenergize you and remind you the purpose of your passion. Being surrounded by a group of positive swimming teachers during the 5-days swimming course was truly eye opening and inspiring at the same time. I hope we will continue to inspire and create a better good of future individuals, not only in terms of swimming, but as a adult too.

25. Solo Trip to Bangkok

I decided, that every year from now, I will take a solo trip every once a year before my birthday for these 3 purposes :

a) S – to Self-align my goals and directions in life

b) P – to Practice spiritual-cultivation through personal reflection and trusting my consciousness and thoughts in an unknown environment. Praying and giving thanks to the people who have surrounded my life

c) A – to Appreciate myself and to enjoy more “me” times.

Enjoyed a 7 days relaxing trip at Bangkok. Must give special thanks to Eng, my guardian angel for taking good care of me. No matter where I am, I always feel blessed to have you. Really happy to be able to catch up with you again even though it was a short while. Completed my first international half-marathon overseas. After that, I was reunited with my badass bestie, Heng Yean Lynn, to enjoy the rest of the Bangkok trip.

Today, I turned 26.