The
silence welcomed us as we sat inside the car.
It was 2.30pm, and we were on our way to meet someone. Someone important for a future project.
"We need to think of something," she said.
Something?
Yes, something.
That something that I know what it is, but I wish she didn't have to ask me. Because I know it would be hard for me to see things through when I'm not around.
"Any campaign we can propose besides the usual discounts that we usually do." She continued.
I gave a thought for a while, trying my best to be in my best behaviour.
It was 2.30pm, and we were on our way to meet someone. Someone important for a future project.
"We need to think of something," she said.
Something?
Yes, something.
That something that I know what it is, but I wish she didn't have to ask me. Because I know it would be hard for me to see things through when I'm not around.
"Any campaign we can propose besides the usual discounts that we usually do." She continued.
I gave a thought for a while, trying my best to be in my best behaviour.
Don't be an ass, Stephanie. I could hear my discipline teacher in my head said to me.
While you're still here, you still have to do your job. Professionally.
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| Pic Source : Bianca Bagnarelli, New York Times |
I shook my head slightly and cleared my throat.
I explained some ideas I have in mind which I didn't put some thoughts into it. Well, it doesn't matter. It's just a brainstorming session anyway.
She thought about it for a while before nodding and letting silence creep into our conversation.
She clarified a few things with me, but before I could go on to the details, we have already arrived at our destination.
Will this be a good time to tell her?
The gentler voice spoke to me.
Nope. Not yet. This is not a good time to tell her. It's going to ruin the mood.
You're right. The other me spoke, again, in my head.
I came out of the car and followed her from behind as we entered the Bistro Bar.
I will tell her later.
* * *
The discussion went well. I guess.
Partly because of the alcohol as well. But, damn.
It's my first time drinking while working. I wonder how people could drink and talk business like this when all I wanted to do is sleep andnever wake up
later.
It's almost 5pm. Just one more hour before another working day ends.
But I know my job is not over yet. I still had one more thing to do.
As we talked briefly on what we had discussed earlier during the meeting, the topic shifted to my health.
Dammit. Is today national compassionate day or what? Why of all days, she's incredibly kind and thoughtful towards me today?!
For the past few months, me and my boss has been working independently and has been communicating less than usual. These were due to a change of project and the increase in expectations to perform our jobs better. Me, on the other hand, hit rock bottom and ever since the intense discussion we had, it had made our relationship sour and distant.
But somehow today, she was oddly nice.
She has always been nice, what are you saying? My mind exclaim.
However, this too did not make me change my mind.
My answer was still the same, and it's stern like a rock.
As the car turned into a corner, in another 5minutes, I would be reaching my destination, and that moment will be lost forever. I have to do it now.
This whole time I was thinking of telling her, but words don't seem it want to be part of my conversation.
What would she say? How would she react? Will she be so disappointed in me?
I felt my heart racing. As I thought more and more of it, the words in my head repeated itself, over and over again.
Just tell her, dammit! The brave and bold me said. It's not going to kill you.
I explained some ideas I have in mind which I didn't put some thoughts into it. Well, it doesn't matter. It's just a brainstorming session anyway.
She thought about it for a while before nodding and letting silence creep into our conversation.
She clarified a few things with me, but before I could go on to the details, we have already arrived at our destination.
Will this be a good time to tell her?
The gentler voice spoke to me.
Nope. Not yet. This is not a good time to tell her. It's going to ruin the mood.
You're right. The other me spoke, again, in my head.
I came out of the car and followed her from behind as we entered the Bistro Bar.
I will tell her later.
* * *
The discussion went well. I guess.
Partly because of the alcohol as well. But, damn.
It's my first time drinking while working. I wonder how people could drink and talk business like this when all I wanted to do is sleep and
It's almost 5pm. Just one more hour before another working day ends.
But I know my job is not over yet. I still had one more thing to do.
As we talked briefly on what we had discussed earlier during the meeting, the topic shifted to my health.
Dammit. Is today national compassionate day or what? Why of all days, she's incredibly kind and thoughtful towards me today?!
For the past few months, me and my boss has been working independently and has been communicating less than usual. These were due to a change of project and the increase in expectations to perform our jobs better. Me, on the other hand, hit rock bottom and ever since the intense discussion we had, it had made our relationship sour and distant.
But somehow today, she was oddly nice.
She has always been nice, what are you saying? My mind exclaim.
However, this too did not make me change my mind.
My answer was still the same, and it's stern like a rock.
As the car turned into a corner, in another 5minutes, I would be reaching my destination, and that moment will be lost forever. I have to do it now.
This whole time I was thinking of telling her, but words don't seem it want to be part of my conversation.
What would she say? How would she react? Will she be so disappointed in me?
I felt my heart racing. As I thought more and more of it, the words in my head repeated itself, over and over again.
Just tell her, dammit! The brave and bold me said. It's not going to kill you.
Oh yes it does! The other me said.
Jesus Christ, how many voices do I have in my head?! I finally realized.
It's going to kill your opportunity if you don't say it today!
Jesus Christ, how many voices do I have in my head?! I finally realized.
It's going to kill your opportunity if you don't say it today!
I could hear my heart beating in my throat. Louder and louder each time when I thought about it. Dammit. It must be the alcohol.
Oh, alcohol God (if there is one), please give me the strength and sound mind to say what I needed to say.
The whole time my mind was in the midst of confusion and dilemma. We were almost reaching the gate of the car park. And as the gate lifted and the car went over the bump entering the car park, all hell break loose.
Oh shitttttttt…. Nooooo!!! The panic in me shrieks. This will never happen! Do something, Stephanie!
Stop panicking! We still have a few days to go! We still have time to tell her!
Tell her this instant! If not you will go back to bed tonight feeling all the regrets and be like a loser!
Just say the first word, and everything will come out quickly!!! Just DO ITTTT!!!!
At this time, there were so many voices in my head. I couldn't decide who to listen.
And after what seems like an eternity, I took a deep breath and….
"Next week, I will be tendering my resignation." I finally spoke.
I said it! I finally did it!
Thanks, alcohol God.
I could feel an overwhelming sense of relief. It felt like the whole weight on my shoulders has been lifted. What happens next doesn't matter to me. Even if I got caught picking my nose, it doesn't seem to matter. What the hell am I saying? I could imagine the team of spoken voices face palming in my mind. It's the alcohol! The alcohol!
And as expected, my boss reacted the same way I thought it might happen in my head over and over again. No one saw it coming. No one did— even the alcohol God.
"Hahhhhhhhhhh…," she exclaimed. "But why? Why so sudden?"
I inhaled, also realizing that I was holding my breath from that earlier moment I told her I would be resigning.
A sudden gush of blood flowed through my brain, giving me the conscious that I need to reply to her. Now that I could think clearly, well sort of, it's time to lay down the puzzles one by one and tell her the whole story.
* * *
To be honest, I wouldn't know how the situation would have been if I wasn't tipsy.
Maybe I wouldn't even have the guts to tell her. Or perhaps I would have told her, but without needing to go through the hassle of being counselled by the many voices in my head.
Who knows? But I did it anyway.
Either way, now that all is spoken, I have opened another new chapter to further my career.
Thanks for giving me a good start, alcohol God, Guinness.
