3 years ago on Valentine's Day, I was working as a part-time waitress in a high class restaurant, serving almost 600++ customers, couples, and families between the month of January and February.

In preparation for Valentines Day, the tables in the grand dining hall were properly arranged and beautifully decorated with a lighted scented candle, a set of complete cutleries for two, and a paper menu set beside the candle. The curtain blinders were rolled up, revealing the buzzing people at the side of the streets. The lights were also dimmed, and soft music filled the room, hence, setting a cosy, warm, and romantic environment.

It was about 9pm, the crowd was much lesser since it was almost our closing time, hence, it was less busy for us. There were only 2 couples sitting inside the dining hall, chatting away while I was doing my round of collecting and putting away the dishes.

Suddenly, something caught my attention right at the corner of my eye.
As I turned to faced the table right in front of me, I noticed that the paper menu on the table was starting to burn!

For a moment, I stood there staring blankly at the burning menu, now in flames.
My mind was screaming at me to get water or scream for help, but my feet just stood rooted against the floor, not wanting me to move! On the other hand, my colleague, Dale, was behind the bar counter, unaware of the whole situation.

Should I get Dale to put out the fire?! Or should I just put out the fire myself?! I thought to myself.


Even at this situation, I could still hear Adele's chorus echoing at the back of my mind: "Set fireeeeeee... to the rain!" Except that there was no rain, it was practically just fire!

It was such an obvious, and stupid question that I'm asking myself.
Even so, I still stood there blankly watching the fire with a bit if amusement and in awe, the fire, now bigger, which is now burning through the table cloth, as if I've never seen a fire before. lol.

Out of a sudden, I came back to my senses when I saw a couple stood up in their seats. Their faces looked horrified as they noticed the current situation. I snapped back into reality, and immediately sprang into action. I turned around in circles, running frantically back and forth, and around the dining hall looking for a source of water. Dale was still busy cleaning up some dishes behind the bar counter. When I saw the leftover cup of water on top of the bar counter, I immediately took it and splashed it across the table.


The fire was immediately extinguished, and what was left was a soaked table, and huge burnt hole in the middle of the tablecloth. The table was stained black in the middle.

I continued to stood there, staring at the horrible messed for a few minutes, questioning myself on what had just happened.

"Do you smell something burning?" I heard Dale spoke up behind me.

I turned around to look at him, my face still as blank as ever.
I pointed towards the burnt table, and his facial expression suddenly dropped.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!" he asked frantically, his face filled with shock.

I looked at him, and shrugged.

* * *

So yeah, if you're still feeling sad because you're still single for Valentine's Day...

Don't be. lol

Because nothing can't be worst than almost (unintentionally) setting fire to a high class restaurant on Valentine's Day. So yeah, being single is not that bad. lol

But maybe that's why I'm still single ~(--..--)~

Happy Valentines Day & Gong Xi Fa Chai !!

"Sir, I may not be working here anymore," I said sadly, as I looked at him.

He turned to face me, but said nothing. He was a regular customer in his mid-50's, but I never got to know his name, even after working almost a year here.

I smiled widely at him, "I've just graduated."

He smiled back at me, and that was the moment that I knew that he was secretly happy for me, but yet a little sad that I was leaving.

"Yes, come in." A muffled voice came inside from the closed office door.

I barged into his office.

"Dr.Chengggg!!!!"

He sighed. "Yesssssss... ."

His toned was calm and cool, but slightly annoyed, as if he was expecting someone to clobber him with a club already. He looked at me, not feeling surprised that I was that person.

"I wanna chop you already!" I said hysterically while waving my result slip in front of him, smiling. "I almost lost my 2nd upper class because of youuuuu!!"

I just obtained my official semester result slip, guaranteeing me the 2nd upper class that I wanted, but I wasn't happy until I teased my subject lecturer. I wanted to teased him for my own satisfaction, like how he teased me with my final examination marks.

He sighed.

"Listen, listen. It's not my fault, I can explain," he said boringly. He sounded as if he had explained it for the 1010th times. "The marks wasn't supposed to be like that, but after going through some external markers, they lowered the marks, so it's not my fault. It is Lancaster requirement..... Yada.... yada.... yada...."

I sat comfortably at the chair in front of his table, refusing to listen to the usual "Lancaster requirement standards" talk. I've graduated, so I didn't really care. On the other hand, Mr.Gan, my research project supervisor, who was seated opposite of him, smiled at the conversation that we were having.

  

".... so that's why the marks is not to what you expected."

"You know Dr.Cheng," I said as I stood up to look at him. "Sometimes in life, there will always be that one person who you’ll remember for something. And so, I will remember you. I will remember you for the person who almost make me lose my 2nd upper class!” I teased him, evilly.

“The person who almost make you lose your 2nd upper class, huh?” He repeated “That’s very interesting, huh?” He said sarcastically as he smiled.

* * *

He was my class lecturer for 3 subjects.
Product Development and Commercialization. International Marketing. Marketing Strategy.

But I will remember him, I will remember him as the lecturer who almost made me lose my 2nd Upper Class. Because that sounds more interesting than a normal subject lecturer. 

I skipped happily towards her, feeling excited to tell her something.

"Wanna see durians?" I asked my friend as I arrived on the stretching area from where she is standing, slightly panting.

"Where did you go, doofus?!" She raised her voice, feeling slightly annoyed and angry.

She always call people 'doofus' when she's angry or when she thinks the person is dumb or noob, although I don't know what that means.

"Wanna see durians?" I repeated the question, ignoring her, not letting her destroy my excitement.

"I've seen them before," she brushed me off.

"Since when?! Liar! No you didn't! Let me show you some durians!"

I held my right hand in front of her and open up my palms.
"Here! Mini durians!" I smiled gleefully at her.

15th January 2014, Thursday.

Location: McDonalds, Sri Petaling.

"Yerr... You larh! Actually I don't want to come one lorh." She grumbled.
"I only came to accompany you because Nui Nui couldn't make it."

I looked into my chocolate sundae ice-cream.

"Come on... It's only like, once in a lifetime. I don't always ask you out like this at this time also," I said.
"Plus, it's the biggest and most important period of my life lorh. It's like the determining factor whether you'll finally graduate. Don't you feel that way when you check your final examination results?"

"Well... yes I do, but not like this! I do it at home lorh."

"But to me, I want to remember that moment. If my results are good, I would wanna celebrate it with someone, if it's not good, at least I have someone there for me to cry on."

I sighed.

"Anyway, how's your first day at work?" I asked, deciding to change the topic.

I pressed the home button on my iPhone. The screen lighted up: 11.52pm.

"10 more minutes!!" I gasped, scooping a spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth.

She smiled at me.

"Are you sure you wanna listen to my story? You don't looked like you wanna listen."

"Don't worry, I'm listening. So, tell me."

* * *

10 minutes later...

12.02am

"OH. MY. GOD!! IT'S 12am!!" I shrieked. "I don't dare look at my results! Please look at it for me! HELP ME SEEEEEEE!!"

I forced my iPhone into her hands. So many things were running through my mind.

Will I get both subjects 60% and above? I think I'll get 60%+ for Marketing Strategy, but what about International Business?

I know I'm gonna pass, it's only 2 subjects! Who couldn't passed a theory exam with only 2 subjects?! But I wasn't worried about passing, I was worried about whether I'll be getting my 2nd upper class. The most important thing is that I have to get both subjects 60% and above!

"Where? How? I don't see anything!"

"You gotta click on the drop-down list and click on the latest semester!"

"Ohh... but I still don't see anything! I can't scroll to the right."

I snatched my phone away and unlocked the "portrait orientation" setting.

"Nah! Just scroll to the right and see. Please tell me it's all B!! For both subjects!! If it's bad, please don't tell me! If it's good......"

Suddenly, I saw a smile on her face, and she started laughing. I immediately went blank.
But her laugh faded.
"Eerhh... okay larh," she hesitated.


"How is it?! All B?!" I clasped my hands on the side of my face.


 "Quite close. 3 more marks only."


"WHAT?!"
I snatched my phone, and the first thing I saw on the screen, in a table form:
.... B
.... C

A 'C'?!

I zoomed out to look at the marks, side by side with the grades.

.... 68    B
.... 57    C


For a moment, I felt my heart sank. It sank so deep, that it could actually make friends with Titanic. I thought I would actually go berserk or start screaming and shouting in anger, or even start crying and tearing up, but nothing of those came to my mind. The thing is…..

I just. Went. Blank.

I stared at my results on my dimmed screen, and sighed. Suddenly, I felt reality started kicking me in the butt, and in the face. I closed my eyes and tilt my head back towards the ceiling, stretching my arms horizontally across the table. Life sucks.

I got up from my table, suddenly feeling the slight dizziness in my head. I felt so heavy, as if there was something weighing me down. I felt like there was a whole heaped of weight on me, dragging me as I walk, like I was dragging the table from where we ate. But I guess, disappointment was the one dragging onto me.

Without looking at her face, I muttered, “Let’s go home.”

This chapter is dedicated to the late Mr.Loong Ah Kew, who had recently passed away due to a brain tumour. He was a secondary school discipline teacher in Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Taman Desa, and he will be deeply missed by all of his students, teachers, friends, relatives, and also his family.

You have touched the lives of many.

And one of them...

...is me.

* * *

Isn't it funny?

That you'll only start remembering the memories of a person only when he/she is gone?

I guess it happens a lot to many of us.

Because we'll only start remembering and appreciating them only after they're gone.

*RIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!!*

"Did you hear? Mr.Loong is our class teacher!"

"You mean that half botak teacher in the school assembly just now? Sure anot?!"

"What?! Really?! Who told you?!?!"

A group of students who just entered the classroom started whispering and snickering.

I just so happen to eavesdrop while everyone was busy talking and choosing their 'strategic' class seats.

It was my first day of secondary school. My first time stepping into a totally new environment. 1M was the name of my class. The so called last class of the whole Form1, but I was more glad that I wasn't sentenced to "Peralihan", or the so called "Remove Class". The sound of those class names sounded more terrifying than 1M.

In short, I think 1M wasn't that bad.

1 MEGA-AWESOME CLASS mah! I told myself, trying to convince my heart that it was going to be okay.

"He very scary leh! I heard he canned students one wor," said a girl student.

"Ya lorh. He looks damn scary leh! More scarier than my mother!" said another student, seated beside the girl.

Suddenly, a man walked in to the room.

5 feet tall, slightly plumped and bald, and fair skin, his presence was enough to kill the noises of the classroom instantly. Alas, it was true, he was none other than Mr.Loong Ah Kew.

The whole classroom immediately stood up and greeted him.

"Se-la-mat Se-jah-te-ra Cik-gu."

Mr.Loong nodded in satisfaction.

"Okay. Sit down," he said.

Everyone settled down, but no one dare to make a move or a sound. Mr.Loong stood in front of the class. His eyes started scanning the whole classroom, as if he was a robot or something, but his smile instantly greeted us.


“My name is Mr.Loong, and I’ll be your class teacher from today onwards,” he said, “Since today is your first day of school, I won’t be giving any homework but I would like to get to know every one of you in this class. So, I would like all of us to introduce ourselves.”


The students started chattering softly, exchanging glances and small talks with one another.


“So let’s start from here,” he pointed.
The girl sitting at the utmost front row corner was caught by his surprised.
“Stand up, introduce yourself by saying your name, and what are your hobbies,” he said.


And one by one, every student stood up, and shared their names and hobbies to the class. Each time, giggles and laughers were exchanged as the amused Mr.Loong questioned and teased about the weird stories and hobbies that certain students had shared. And when it was finally my turn, I slowly stood up.

“My name is Siew Lin,” I said, softly. “And I like cooking.”

“Oh… So what do you usually cook?” Mr.Loong asked.

I paused for awhile. “Maggi mee?”

“Maggi mee?!” he repeated, cheekily smiling.
The class roared with laughter. The two guys who was seated in front of me kept laughing.
I stood there, feeling confused while staring at him.
Was it supposed to be funny? I asked myself.

“Well… erm… I can fried fish too,” I added on, thinking that it might help improve my previous answer. "And I can draw too!"

"Ya, teacher!" The guy in front of me said. "She can really draw!"
He lifted my plastic file up to show him the hand-drawn anime pictures pasted on my file cover.
"Damn geng you know she draw!" the guy next to him said.

Mr.Loong smiled. "Alright. Alright. Thank you Siew Lin, you may sit down."


And that was how I met Mr.Loong for the first time.



* * * * *

Mr.Loong wasn't just our class teacher, he was also our English teacher.

"Okay, class. I want you to construct a sentence using these 5 words written here," Mr.Loong said.

The words written on the blackboard:
Hostile.
Amuse.
Jovial.
Alluring.
Mischievous.

Hmm... This doesn't look tough. I know every word except the third one, I thought.



“Let me explain each word, so that you would know what each word means,” said Mr.Loong, “The first word, hostile, means being rude and aggressive to someone.”

Before I could hear him explained, I’ve had already started writing down the constructed sentences in my workbook.
“Sam’s parents didn’t like Ahmad because of his hostile attitude” I wrote.


“The next word, amused, means to be surprised at something that you least expect.”
“Alex was amused when he saw his friend showed him some magic tricks" I wrote.


The next word, jovial, the word that I didn't understand. I look up at Mr.Loong, waiting for him to explain.
"And jovial, means being happy. It describes a person who is happy-go-lucky and always in a good and happy mood," Mr.Loong said.

I look at him in amusement, something had already struck my head after he had finished describing. I look down at my workbook and immediately started scribbling:
"Mr.Loong looks very strict but he is actually a very jovial person."

Picture source: http://lukecaseyphotography.com/2013/03/12/stop-in-at-the-street-cafe-for-a-cup-of-bokeh/

During my 3 months university semester break, I was working as a waitress at a high class café. I’m a Malaysian Chinese, but because I had tanned skin, I was very often overlooked by customers as an Indonesian, or a Myanmar worker. Having foreign workers in a café is very common in Malaysia especially in the food and beverage industry.


One day, a man and his wife dined in our café. The man and his wife look like they were in their mid-40’s. I took their order. The man had already made up his mind and ordered some Western dish, while on the other hand, his wife was still looking at the menu. While I was waiting for his wife, the man suddenly spoke up to me.


“Where are you studying?” he asked.


I was puzzled. “Hmm? You mean me?” I asked.


“Yes. You.”


I was taken aback by his questions because it was the first time a customer, a stranger, had asked me this question.


“Sunway University, sir,” I replied.


“I see,” he replied.


He didn’t continue the conversation and there was a little silence, but something inside me got curious enough to continue the conversation.


“Why did you ask, sir?” I asked, curiously.


He looked up to me and said, “’coz you look like a person who is studying in university.”


Deep inside, those words were pleasure to my ears. My heart leaped with joy and glee. From our short conversation, I found out that the man was a senior lecturer at a local university. I was happy because, for the first time in my entire life, someone saw some potential in me instead of asking common questions like, “Are you local?”, “Are you a Malay?”, or even “Are you an Indonesian?”


From his words, I realized that it is so important to look the good in others and see their deepest potentiality, and to motivate them. Because since then, the man’s words became my internal motivator to motivate myself to finish my degree studies. Now, that the incident was 2 years ago, at this moment, I’m currently studying for my last final examination paper.


I still remember his exact words since that day.

I used Himalaya products quite often, especially their facial masks and oral healthcare products. I actually like them very much and I have a positive perspective on their organic products!

Check out some of their latest products in the market!!

*

Last year was a pretty layback year for me as I was trying to strengthen personal relationships with my friends, and mending broken relationships with my family. However, this year was a comeback year for me as I gotten myself involved with more activities and social events. I guess it's because of the fact that I'm graduating soon, thinking that I wouldn't be able to do all these things when I enter the workforce. But, another part of me tells me that I need to further develop myself to prepare myself to take up bigger responsibilities. I guess because of that, I took up more leadership roles this year. And along the way, I found out more about myself and the secrets that I hide, that even I hadn't even know.

So here goes the list of the 21 things I did while I was 21 years old:

* * *

1. Celebrated my 21st birthday and received the infamous golden key

To be honest, I wasn't expecting to plan for an official 21st birthday party because all my thoughts and energy were focused on studying for my final examination. But what my dad said, caused me to give a hesitating 'yes':

"When I was at your age, I didn't even have the opportunity to do such thing. You only turn 21 once, let's just make it a special one."

In the end, it was all planned out by him, with the help from my mom. This shows much they really love me as their daughter. Who needs a golden key, when all the freedom I had was already given by my parents since young?

2. Participated in BGF's Quidditch Games

Getting to fly..... erh... I mean... run around with sticks was one thing, but the joy of being outside in the sun, running around, getting mud-dirty, panting, was the best feeling I ever had. It's the main source of my happiness, and I wish I could still do this even when I'm much older later on.

3. Passed all my Finance subjects and maintained my average grades all above 60%++

FARKKKKKKK FINANCE!!! I've been waiting for so long just to say that, because I wanted to make sure I’ve passed them all before they start jinxing me! As you know, Finance is one of my weakest, challenging, stupidmotherfarker subject that I had to overcome in my university days. I had failed more times than you can ever imagine, and there was once I was at the risk of getting expelled. But all in all, I still maintain my grades and still holding on to the 2nd Upper that I’m aiming for. Basically, it had taught me a beautiful process of getting up when I was at the most bottom-pit of my university days. It was truly a remarkable experience, and I would say that it had taught me something greater that what it will teach me when I come out to work. Because you can’t afford to fail at work, you’ll get fucked BIG time. So if you ask me whether I regretted failing, I would say NO.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.” – J.K.Rowling.

Here's some cheesy wedges for reading my complaints.

4. Drove to Penang for the first time

I wasn’t happy when my parents didn’t allow me to drive to Genting, but I understand that they were just concern with my safety. Actually, I was too, concern about my safety. So, instead, my dad allowed me to drive us back to our hometown for Chinese New Year. I learned the difference of driving in the typical city of KL and on an actual highway. I actually enjoyed driving on the highway, especially on the fast lane, because all cars will let you through. Unlike in KL, cars don’t let you through even when you flash or horn, you’re treated as if you don’t exist. #truestory

5. Became part of the organizing team of SMILEY Cookie Project

Probably thanks to IBYE/IBYF 2013, I was pulled in by Do Chan Wye into the team. It was a little confusing at first because of the different working environment and people, but I like it, and I still manage to work closely together with them. It was a simple but remarkable and meaningful project. :)

6. Participated in LeAD in Bangkok, Thailand

LeAD was one of the main changing factor that caused me to change the way I think about myself and the way I communicate with people. It was also my first time travelling to Thailand together with my fellow D2Y-ians, Amy Lim and Jonathan Khoo! But what caused me to change the way I work is because of this one person. During the last night of our activity, one of the Singapore participants personally approached me and wanted to talk to me about something. I already knew what it was going to be. My 6th sense feeling is very weird but very accurate. True enough, he personally gave me advice on how to build and develop myself.

“The reason why I’m telling this now, is because I may not be able to see you again after this. I got that feeling that you wanted to try. So I gave you the opportunity to be the leader,” said Chin Wu Feng. “But whatever I’m telling you now, I hope that you would do the same thing to someone in the future.”

And because of that, I started changing.

7. Found out more about myself

In the same event in LeAD, what impacted me the most was the Harrison Assessment that showed how different I was from other people. I felt that I was the odd one out, but I soon realized how important it is to have different people with different personalities in a team.

“No matter how different you are, you bring colours to the group,” said Bro.Mun Yee. “You just need to be a little more confident about yourself.”

After that event, I also found out that I hide a lot of things from a lot of people. I’m always a mystery to other people because I rarely talk about my thoughts, and feelings. I never knew that until now. Since then, I’m starting to express a little bit more about myself, but somewhere deep inside me, I still want to remain a mystery to many people, on many different levels.

8. Travelled to Korea and Shanghai!

Anyeonghaisayo! I’m not a big fan of Korea, and I never thought of traveling to Korea nor Shanghai. Until it happen……… But I was glad that it was a beautiful trip! The culture, people, lengzhais, products, food… everything! I even google up some random Korean words and tried using them on different people to see their reactions, but I didn’t know to reply them LOL. I even bought a kite and flew it for the first time in Shanghai, but I was caught by an officer. My trip to Korea and Shanghai was also one of the getaways to recover myself from a heartbreak, but at the same time to release and explore more about myself.

9. Gotten a part-time supervisor job at Selangor Turf Club

I was jobless for the last 3 months during my long semester break. It was a torture, but somehow I landed myself in a well-paid part time job with good experience, thanks to a friend who recommended me to her old job. Since then, I work every Friday nights. I have no problems handling the job and the people there, but it’s pretty depressing because it’s on a FRIDAY! I’ll never see Friday nights the same again, but for money and experience, I would do anything for it.

10. Met in a minor car accident for the first time

It was a scary experience and I swear it wasn’t my fault! When the incident happen, I couldn’t control my emotions and anger, and I started blasting everything out on the person. I was strongly defending myself because I knew I was right. But after the argument, I drove off. My hands and legs started shaking. And then, I cried, so badly. Because during that moment of the incident, I was actually dam scared. Sometimes, a person may look tough on the outside, but deep inside, she’s actually also scared.

11. Cook and fed the poor

I usually don’t cook, but when I do, I do it for charity and for goodwill. It’s something that you don’t really see or notice on the streets, until I saw hundreds of needy people queuing up before me, waiting to take their food. I’m glad that I’m so blessed and grateful for the food that I’m served today, at home or anywhere else.

12. Illegally ride a scooter in an LRT station

Used my scooter to commute from LRT Sri Petaling line to Kelana Jaya line. I received a warning from an officer, but once they were out from sight, I started speeding off with my scooter again. It was the best feeling ever to ‘walk’ faster than anyone else, even when everyone else was staring!

13. Drove an Audi TT

And the first person to ride it with me was Hoh Sheng Ying.

14. Received an anonymous confession

Surprise? Don’t worry, I’m more surprise as you are. But the truth is, I never knew that person. It’s a little disappointing. However, whether it was a prank or a real confession, it’s something that I’ll never know.

15. Won 'Best Speaker of the Week' and 1st Runner Up in BGF's Effective Speaking Course

I hesitated to join at first, mainly because of the fee, strict commitment, and the thought of competing with other speakers in the finale. I HATED the fact that I had to compete. And when I did, my ESC objective was to fully express myself (because I knew I was lacking in self-expression). I decided to focus on nothing else but improving myself and not on winning. However, during the 2nd week of ESC, when I realized that I’ve won myself the ‘best speaker of the week’ award, I was flabbergasted! Since then, I went all out until the day of the finale, not knowing what I get in return was bigger than what I thought! Not only did I won myself an award, but I also won myself a whole lot of confidence. And thank goodness for ESC! Because since after ESC, there were a lot of events that requires me to speak in public! *faints*

16. Had our first graduation class trip

I hadn’t graduate, yet. But all of my classmates already did, so must as well just tag along to celebrate together with them. I miss watching them fight, and seeing them throwing and howling at each other with ‘beautiful’ words. I guess, I’m just gonna miss all of them.

17. Travelled to Taiwan for the first time with my university friends

My fourth and final trip of the year, Taiwan! At the beginning, I was against the idea of traveling overseas because of the tight financial budget I had, but thanks to Sheng Ying and Zann, they made it possible for all of us to travel to Taiwan. I am deeply indebted to them, BIG TIME. They also became my Chinese translator and tour guide (because I couldn’t read Chinese *cries*). But nevertheless, I had a great time and I really enjoyed the mouth-watering-food, culture, hospitality, and shopping spree. I’ll miss the 4 of us together, but we’ll still see each other soon anyway…. and that’s because I owe them a lot of money. LOL.

Travelling had taught me a lot of things, things that I’ll definitely cherish and love for the rest of my life. You can read the summary of my experience over here.

18. Attended INCOVAR camp for the first time

Had been part of the organizing team in events, camps, and activities for the past few years. And for once, I just wanna feel like I’m a participant again. And I thought I would get away with responsibilities just for once, until we had to wash the toilets and plates T_T I still remember the main inspiration I wrote in camp, which was: to motivate and inspire others like how I inspire myself. It sounds so cheesy, but on a greater extend, I definitely did inspire a few people in camp, even my mentor himself. Even so, I’ll still continue doing it by teaching and mentoring others like how others had done the same to me.

19. Organized Camp-X: The Missing Link

In the past, I already took up secretary, treasury, logistics, media and publicity, and programs. And now finally, it’s camp manager. It was a challenging but well rewarding role, and there are a lot of things that I did so much better than in the past. However, there are still many things that I have to work on. I believe that there are things that I could have prevented it from happening, if only I could have follow my instincts and trust myself more with the things that I had already foreseen. Since then, I learned to listen to myself more often. I also learned how to disregard other people’s opinion if it doesn’t agree to my own logical reasoning or even my own gut feeling.

20. Became part of the organizing team of Buddhist Youth Fellowship Games (BYFG)

Back then in 2012, I planned to aim for bronze in badminton female doubles/singles in the next coming IBYFG, but sadly, that day didn’t come. However, never would I have known that I would be part of the organizing committee of BYFG’s comeback this year, and it was a remarkably big one! I was glad that I was part of this comeback, but I’m more looking forward to participating in the next games :)

21. Watched my friends graduate

I was supposed to be one of them, but I wasn’t one of them. Maybe not just yet. It was a mixture of emotions when seeing my friends graduate after me. I was sad upon not graduating, yet happy and proud of them for finally graduating. Oh well, it’s just a matter of time when I finally do. Because it’s not about how fast you finished, but how patient you are to wait for what you’re worth, and still obtaining the degree holder that you want. And I am on my way there!

* * *

Today, I turned 22.

I wished everything could just stop. Just stop.

Even if it's a second. A minute. An hour. Or a day.

Everything is happening too fast, and soon enough... I'll be sitting in the examination hall, scribbling away my answers on my last final examination paper.

Yes. I won't deny it. It's what I wanted. But I don't know what's holding me back. I don't know this feeling.

I think it's the feeling of fear. The fear of not scoring well in my final exam and maintaining my grades to get that 2nd upper I wanted.

Or maybe it's the fear of uncertainties? The feeling of lost and not knowing where to go after everything ends?

To be honest, I actually don't know.

I just know I want everything to stop. For now. Maybe I just want to have more fun time for myself? To do the things I wanna do? I haven't finish what I wanted to do yet.

I..... I honestly don't know.

* * *

Lately, I'm having a lot of personal thoughts. A lot of mixed feelings inside, it's difficult to tell.

Maybe it's because I don't have anyone to tell them to for a really long time? Ever since my closed friend from uni isn't around anymore, I rarely complain about the stuff I used to complain to her anymore?

I guess because of this, all my thoughts and feelings are bottled up deep inside. Waiting for it to break at the most vulnerable moment.

I guess.....

I'm just waiting to break.....