There was once a girl who waits outside the bus stop everyday after work. She has been taking the public transport for many years, but the girl was never once seen to be happy. The girl would never smile, laugh, or giggle, like the other commuters.

A little boy, who also boards the same bus as the girl, noticed this sad girl everyday and couldn't help himself to wonder why this girl was feeling sad. One day, out of his curiosity, he talks to the girl.

"Why do you look so sad?" ask the little boy.

The girl look surprise. "Me? Sad? Since when?"

"Since every single day of your life!! You haven't been smiling or laughing for quite some time, or maybe for a very long time," said the boy. "Don't you ever feel happy once in your life? Is everything okay? Do you need help? You're not undergoing some suicidal thoughts, are you?"

The girl look at the boy weirdly for a few minutes, and then, smile, for the first time.

It was the first time in his life to see her smile, and it was the sweetest heart-melting smile he has ever seen!

"Doesn't mean I don't smile, or laugh, doesn't mean that I'm sad," said the girl. "There are times I'm not at the situation to be happy, but there are also days where I'll laugh my ass off!"

The girl pause and look away. "I am happy with myself and everything. I am not sad either. It's just that you need to see me in those days when I'm truly feeling happy. You haven't seen those days when I'm truly am happy."

The girl turn to look at the little boy.

"Don't worry, boy. I'm not sad. You just need to see me in those times when I'm not sad! I am happy! You just need to see me in those time when I'm truly am!"

1.40am.

Exactly 3 hours and 25 minutes ago, that 38th IDC post-mortem meeting was adjourned.

I can't believe that when I was leaving the BGF building, I'm not leaving as a participant anymore, but as a committee.

So, how do I feel now that everything is over? To be honest...

Nothing.

I felt nothing. Not knowing sure why.

I wished I knew the reason myself.

Maybe because I felt so numbed after that small "incident" that happen in KCBA? As I recalled back, I was quite traumatized because I felt a sense of negative aura or something eerie lingering around, before the actual incident happen.

So many IF's I told myself:

What IF I had gone to the toilet myself, without Pui Yen accompanying me?

What IF I left my phone in the activity hall, and decided to go take it myself?

What IF I became so kepoci, and decided to go out the balcony to see what were the dogs barking at?

Holy flying fox... I can't imagine what will happen to me. Like, seriously.

However, what matter most is that I'm still alive and breathing :)

On the other hand, I was fully aware that I was really quiet and self-conserve throughout the whole camp. Maybe I was trying to observe my thoughts during this different environment with different people, especially with so many things going on at the same time.

Perhaps, I was just being me.

* * *

"Why can't I put more than one colours into my glitter jar?" I asked.

"Because... you can only choose one," she said.

"But why can't I choose all?"

No one dared to answer.

Somehow, I felt a little bit disappointment because it wasn't a valid answer that I wanna accept. Okay, since I can't have all the colours, then, I'm gonna put 4 full spoons of this pink colour!

"Siew Lin!! That's too much!! 1 scoop it's enough!!" someone exclaimed.
Ish! Got caught red-handed. Feeling sad, I scooped back the liquid back into the container.

"Does the colours signify anything?" I questioned her further, somehow feeling annoyed because I can't have my own way.

She shrugged. "Don't know? Maybe it signifies the direction or goal that you want to focus in life? I think so la."

I began to ponder.

So does that mean that if I put many colours into my jar, it signifies that I'm being too ambitious and too greedy? Everything that I want, I must have in life?

* 

"Sis.Ching Wi...?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think it's okay to be greedy? I mean, it's normal for human beings to be greedy, right? Especially when it comes to materialistic stuffs."

"Hmm.... "

"But, sometimes I find myself being too greedy when it comes to experience. I'm always greedy to learn everything and anything, and if there's something that I've never done it before, I would always want to learn it. Is that a bad thing?"

"Well... I think it's okay to be greedy when it comes to learning. As long as it makes you a better, and more positive person, right? There are endless opportunities to learn in life, so I believe there isn't a period when a person stops learning, because experiences helps you grow."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My.... My, my name is...," she stammered.

Suddenly, she avoided my eyes and shy-fully took her balloon and covered her face, and quietly said:

"But my mummy said not to talk to strangers."

"I didn't wish to be alone," says the 26-year old girl. "I travelled to so many countries around the world, met so many people, and done so many crazy shit with strangers, but yet I'm still alone.

"Don't get me wrong, I do have a family, and a few besties, but even when you're surrounded by people, it's still possible to feel lonely."

"Because in life, that happens. No matter how much you love the people around you, or how much they love you, there are still people who are gonna leave."

With small but quick steps, she quietly went around the corner of a secluded park. The big pine tree helped to blocked her from the public view. With one last glance, to ensure that no one was looking, she pulled her pink hoodie over her head, and finally lied down on the pale, dry grass.

Placing her hands on top of her stomach, she heaved a huge sigh as she looked up at the empty skies.

There were no sounds, only the sound of her continuous heartbeat can be heard.

She closed her eyes to absorb the quietness around her.

Her body relaxed, and her mind filled with serenity.

"Finally." She thought to herself. "This was something that I wanted to do in a long time. To lie back down on the grass and look up at the sky, and to be at internal bliss."