But for me, it's so galvanizing! Now that I look back, one event after another somehow correlates in building a climax and resolution to my story. It's so unbelievable!

Despite 2020 being a challenging year, all that matters is the actions that you have taken so far this year to triumph over these obstacles. So what have you done so far since 2020 is coming to a close?

Well, these are the things I did so far this year while I was still 27 years old.

* * *

1. Travelled To India

If you ask many of your friends, India is probably not the first place in mind when it comes to a holiday place. However, it has always been my dream to go and understand the living conditions and the culture of the total opposite of what we had. Finally visited the most exquisite buildings in India, met kids at the slumps, met interesting people, and many more! Now, looking back, with the current limitations to travel, I kinda missed India a lot and wouldn't mind going back if it's the only place I could go during this crazy pandemic crisis. Read more about my travels in India here.

Out of all the places, Taj Mahal was the only place that stole my heart (and breath)!

2. Took Part In a Mixed-Doubles Friendly Match

Won first round, lose second round. Oh well, at least we got to experience the thrill and excitement!

My mixed-doubles partner, Calvin (on my left)

3. Graduated With A Digital Marketing Qualifications

To stay relevant to the workforce demand and foreseeable economic trends, this is definitely something that I had planned to do for a long time. The more knowledge you have, the better in diversifying your revenue options in the future.

4. Say Goodbye & Part Ways

The hardest part of leaving someone you love is saying goodbye. It was the hardest decision to make, but our reasons for this conclusive choice is that we grew apart over the years and our goals couldn't be aligned to what we both want. Our differences divided us instead of helping us to understand each other and fulfilling our partner's needs. And, that's just the nicest way of me putting in words here. 

5. Went For My First Surgery In March

Two days after my break-up, I went for my first surgery to remove an infected milk duct which was causing my left nipple to bleed since October 2019. Had my first experience with general anesthetics and it was so good! The only unpleasant experience is when they had to punch in the IV drips into my veins, and when I received my surgery report that I have high chances of getting breast cancer in the future.

My besties woke up 6AM to accompanied me to the hospital

6. Experience Nationwide MCO Lockdown

MCO sent me into a frenzy when I couldn't go out to do the usual kinds of stuff I enjoyed doing. To add on to this, it was the worst timing especially after a break-up when I'm forced to come to terms with uncomfortable feelings and emotions when I'm in a sedentary mode. I lost myself a few times, but thank goodness for work and friends that helped me stay grounded to my senses. I gained a few kilos during MCO and realized I became a little more introverted, paranoid, and slightly anxious when being able to go out once again. 

7. Resigned From IRSB & Joined Lazada

It was a once in a lifetime opportunity I couldn't decline, and so after nearly 3-years with my e-commerce family, it was time to say goodbye. During my tenure here, I kickstart 2 of my baby brands and cover a variety of marketing executions for large corporate clients and campaigns. IRSB will always be family to me. This farewell poem was dedicated to the team that been my support system for those few years.

The day I returned physically to office was already my 3rd month at Lazada!

8. Launched My Own Swim/Tri Brand & Swimming Donation Program

Early this year, my contract ended with a swimming company I was bonded with. I very much knew how comfortable I was working alone and had plenty of ideas to kick start a side business. But with MCO up in the pipes, my plans got side-tracked a bit, hence launching my very first donation program which I had planned for a very long time! The program was very successful, and it kept my weekends busy during RMCO. My aim is to provide affordable swimming lessons to a community that is deserving to have access to basic swimming and survival skills. Education should be free, and so should swimming!

Follow my 2nd Instagram account for more swim/sports contents!

9. Revamp My Blog

All the time in the world during MCO got me doing this. The blog that you're reading now has a fresh and cleaner look! With a very own blog logo too! What do you think? 

10. Completed A 21-Day Meditation Challenge

Not a meditative person, but the things you do to stop going crazy during MCO. Nevertheless, I felt more composed and it helped relieve the difficult emotions I was facing. Click the video below or this link to try out this challenge!

11. Jogged 4KM Indoors & Cycled More

Again, the shit things you do to (try) maintaining an active lifestyle. Plus, HIIT was never my thing. With that, I've also invested more time training on my bike to complete the full tri experience. I had a love and hate relationship with cycling since (especially the hills), and it was the only exercise I could do after my major operation in September. My legs are gonna be so ripped! 

Nearly died every time I cycled uphill. Why people even cycle? lol

12. Went Scuba Diving In Tenggol Island

Hopped right in this bandwagon together with my scuba partner, Tan Kai Lin. Something which had been on my bucket list for some time but didn't have an urgency to go do it. Regardless of the hefty investment, I'm glad we power through this crazy choice we made and it reminded me that there's so much more in life to live for, and this was one of it! It's a whole new world to explore!

13. Virtually Felt Closer To The Dalai Lama & Read Up Stories About Him

For the first time, seeing Dalai Lama up-closed virtually on Zoom was an astounding experience! Because of that, I read up about the history of Tibet, and how did the Dalai Lama came about and how it is elected. Now I know where's my next travel destination to go next. Tibet!

14. Reconnected With Old Friends & Made New Friends

Caught up with old friends like Kavilan and Chan Song Ian. Also made new ones from virtual social gatherings. 

15. Spent Time With My Dog 

With more time at home, I get to spend more time with my dog, Fluffy. I took her for walks, talk to her more, and give her a lot of hugs. Because of this, I realize a change of behaviour as she was previously very distant from me and refused to come close to me. But after this, she was craving for every attention! Love really does conquers every change of behaviour.

Me and my nearly botak-hairless Fluffy

16. Prep & Cook My Own Meals (Sometimes)

I saved more money after a few months of cooking my own meals, but it came at an opportunity cost of having shorter rests during lunch times. Not just that, I was particularly picky with the food I ate ever since after my operation. Hence, I cut down dairy products and also ate a little healthier to prevent getting breast cancer.

Salad was the easiest to prep so far lol

17. Went Cafe Hopping To Keep Myself "Updated"

Something that I have wanted to do for a long time, and I enjoyed going around to people-watch and catching up on my readings. But hor... cafe hopping is such an expensive hobby weh. Why do people even do it?

Picture taken at Feeka Coffee, KL

18. Went Laser Tag For The First Time!

Not knowing how my colleagues look like ever since Day 1 working in Lazada, it was my first time being able to finally meet up with my whole team! Plus, it was my first time playing laser tag! It felt really good to be out and running and communicating with people again. 

19. Fall Prey To Netflix & Spotify

Hopped on the subscription bandwagon because couldn't resist the urge to watch some interesting series/movies from Netflix, and to get away from the annoying ads from Shopee on Spotify.

And My Pattern Creative Netflix Friends

20. Found Out I Had Early Symptoms of Breast Cancer

Months after my first surgery, breast cancer never came to my mind. Until one fine day when I was showering, I found out that the same operated breast felt lumpy. I got it checked and turns out that I was diagnosed with ductal carcinoma in situ(DCIS). In simpler terms, it was Stage 0 breast cancer. That was the determining factor that made me rethink everything in my life. It was the major highlight of my 2020, but it never stopped me from achieving my goals and being me.

21. Went Batu Caves For The First Time

In case I died during surgery, I wanted to make sure I lived my life to the maxed.

So, I decided to go cuti-cuti Malaysia and finally visited Batu Caves with my besties! It was a colourful experience!

22. Made A Spontaneous Decision To Do My First Boudoir Photography

After days of reflecting, I woke up one day and mustered all the courage to pick up the phone and dialed his number. I remembered trying not to bawl my eyes out when telling Peter what I wanted to do and the reason for me wanting to do this. Till this day, it was a decision that I never regretted. I embraced all my imperfections by coming to terms with my vulnerability when standing in front of a camera half-naked.

Credits to Peter Tan Photography Studio

23. Had My First Breast Implants!

On 17th September, I officially became a breast cancer survivor, and to be honest, it didn't felt any much different going through this breast removal surgery! Thanks to the implants, it helped me maintain my self-esteem, confidence, and positive outlook in life. There are more things to look forward to, and it's going to be the best experience going through it with my new boobs! LOL.

The hospital even made my meal to look like my tits. Such coincidence.

24. Snipped My Hair Off & Donated To Locks Of Hope

What else is new when you have a new boob? A new haircut!
Raised RM800 and donated both my hair and the money to help make a wig for cancer patients! Thanks to the following donators : YiXuan, Chin Aik, Shen Lieng, Julian Lim, and Leonard Lai. 

Me in my post-surgery "premium" sports bra which is compulsory to be worn for 5-6 months

25. Raise Awareness On Breast Cancer & Did My First FB Livestream

As a promise to myself for coming out alive from the surgery, I decided to kick start this breast cancer awareness journey to get the people around me educated about breast cancer. So many misconceptions and grey areas around it and no one says anything about it!! People should know, especially young ladies! I have decided that every year during October, I will dedicate all my efforts and time to educate all young ladies over the world in schools, colleges, and the community. People should know, and it will start from me! To watch my livestream, click here.

One of the livestreams at Yara to share about breast cancer awareness

26. Cleaned & Redecorated My Home

With 1 month of medical leave, the longest MC I've ever had, I decided to make use of this time to declutter and give my home a breather.

One part of the kitchen that I cleaned. This is the after results but still looks messy. Can you imagine how the before looks like?

27. Learned To Play Mahjong

Realized Mahjong is not just a game, it's really a piece of art and the meaning behind it is so deep leh! What I like about this game is that it never gets bored and the winning outcome is always ever-changing!

Thanks to our Mahjong sifu, Harry Liow for teaching us

* * *

Today, I turned 28.

This shot was taken at Foo Foo Cafe, TTDI

 That's a sad-looking plant, I thought.

‘Why am I even here?’

The moment Sue opened her eyes, and there she was.

 The same place. Same nostalgic smell. Everything exactly as it was. It seems like nothing has changed after 10 years.

The breezy cold weather made Sue shivered for a moment before realizing she had a jacket at the back of the car.

Sue turned around and walked towards the car park, only to realize...

‘Oh wait. I don't have a car. But how did I even get here?’ Sue thought to herself.

Sue looked over the billboard, hovered next to the car park entrance.

It was a billboard ad. A picture of the girl with a big grin on her face, showing a handful of strawberries, accompanied by the big, blueprinted words that say, “Welcome to Cameron Highland”.

Sue was lost in thought at that moment and stood there for a good 10 minutes, trying to figure out why and how she was there. She probably had an agenda of the day, because obviously, she wouldn’t even choose to do something meaningless like travelling 2 hours away from home to a town at the top of the mountain without having anything to accomplish.

‘GRAB. Yes! I must have come here by GRAB, but where should I go next?’

Sue thought for a while and suddenly remembered.

‘Oh. Yes. I heard he was in town too. Maybe I should visit him?’

But why Sue, why? You aren’t supposed to see him. Another voice spoke to her.

‘I’m fine. Really. And I just wanna drop by and say hi.’ Sue convinces herself.

Sue popped out her phone to check the address of the hotel that he was staying in. She was pretty sure he was there. His Facebook clearly shows that he had just checked-in to that particular hotel 30minutes ago.

Sue booked a ride from GRAB to the hotel. Feeling pretty confident and excited that she finally gets to see him again.

‘It’s been a while. I wonder how are you doing?’ Sue silently thought as the driver took Sue around the winding roads of the north.

The taxi dropped Sue at the hotel's main drive-thru entrance.

The hotel remains the same as 10 years ago as Sue had imagined. The walls of the building are nicely wrapped in vines, the small 10-unit car park next to it, and the classic wooden door of the hotel entrance greeted her with open arms. Sue walked across the checkered floor lobby towards the receptionist.

“I’m here to visit a friend.”

“Name?” The lady receptionist asks.

“Mr.Lum Khai Joon.”

The receptionist briefly tapped away on her keyboard as her eyes navigate quickly through the screen.

 “Ahh! Found him.” She exclaims. “He just checked in a few hours ago. His room is 204, level 2.”

“Thank you very much.”

Sue knows the way to the lift as if it was her very own house.

But something got into her as she suddenly paused and turned around, heading for the stairs instead.

‘Maybe I’ll take the stairs this time. Well, you know. To slow things down and enjoy the moment on how this hotel hadn’t changed since we came here.’

As she reaches the 2nd floor, she walked along the carpeted pathway of the long corridor.

‘Even the carpet hadn’t changed a bit. I miss this musty smell.’

Sue arrived in front of Room 204 but realized that the door was slightly ajar.

‘He must have just entered the room and forgotten to closed it tight.’

Sue reaches out her hand to the doorknob but paused halfway.

‘Wait. Wouldn’t it be rude to just walk in like that? I mean. I’m pretty sure he’ll be surprised to see me, but I think it’ll also scare the shit out of him when someone estranges could just walk in like that.’

Sue stood there for what seems forever. Struggling with the thought of the surprise element versus the thought that he will be mad at her for disrespecting him.

‘Arghh…. What the heck.’ Sue brushed the thought off and gently pushed the door open.

She was greeted with a lited entrance. The sound of showers was the first thing that she heard and it was coming from the door on her left. Someone was showering.

At the end of the room, it was dark and barely lited. There were balloons and beer cups and alcohol all over the table. It seems like it was someone’s birthday.

Sue walked closer to the darkroom to look around. At the corner of her eye, she noticed something moved. Sue froze.

Someone was in bed. Underneath the sheets, the figure liked person turned and nudged the covers a little, revealing the stranger’s face.

It was a woman. Her looks, fairly average like any other girl next door but look slightly older than Sue’s age. She was still sound asleep and was lightly snoring away in her dreams, being unaware that a psycho person like her is in the room, staring back at her.

Sue's heart started racing. She wasn’t expecting to see someone in Khai Joon’s room.

I mean. Think straight Sue, what you mean you weren’t expecting to see someone in his room? It is his room after all! He can bring whoever he likes! That voice spoke to her again.

Sue turned around to see the scattered birthday cards and gifts on the table. The only obvious one that she could instantly read it off in one glance, was a pale yellow card with a huge printed “Happy Birthday Bibi”.

Sue didn’t know how to feel. She knows she wasn’t supposed to be there. She’s intruding into someone’s private life.

‘I need to get out of here.’ Sue panicked.

Sue slowly backed out from the room. Being careful to not make any sound even though her heartbeat sounded louder in her ears than her footsteps.

She instantly regretted she made this decision. She shouldn’t have been so busybody in the first place. Why do you have to be so busybody?

Inches away from the exit door, suddenly, there was a click from the bathroom door. The door opened and the steam of air came rushing out. Sue stopped dead in her tracks and stood still right in front of the bathroom door. She felt someone looking at her, analyzing her like a piece of meat. She turned her head and finally, their eyes met.

Sue and Khai Joon stood there staring at each other. Khai Joon, half-naked, with a towel wrapped around his waist and his eyes wide opened. Even in that situation, he remains calm and composed, and the very least, surprised.

It felt like minutes, hours, eternity until somehow one of them realize it was getting a bit too awkward to not say something.

“What are you doing here?” Khai Joon finally spoke up.

“I…”

Sue felt a sense of uneasiness in her heart, but she knows that she had to be strong for herself. Especially in front of him.

“…heard you in were in town and I thought it would be nice to drop by to just say hi.”

“I see…,” he said.

‘I see? Two miserable words and nothing else? That’s just so like him. Even he hasn’t changed a bit.’

 “Congratulations by the way. I hope you’re happy.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, look. I’m just here to say hi. Didn’t mean to intrude. I hope you’ll enjoy your weekend.”

Without another word, Sue left the room without saying goodbye.

Who needs goodbyes? Saying goodbyes is like saying you’ll never see them again.

By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs in the lobby, her eyes were flooded with tears.

‘Why am I sad? Shouldn’t I be happy for him?’

‘He moved on. But how could he?’

Thoughts after thoughts came gushing to Sue’s mind. Emotions after emotions. Feelings after feelings.

It’s only been a while since they broke up and never in Sue’s mind would she expect that he’ll move on pretty fine without her. She wished he didn’t. Because he didn’t deserve it. After all that he had done to her. Wishing him the best was the worst thing she wanted for him. The only thing she wished was that he didn’t exist.

Sue looked around the hotel drive-thru entrance for a vehicle. None to be found besides a bored-looking taxi driver, loafing around the entrance and chanting “Taxi?” to every person who walks by.

The taxi driver somehow knew she was looking for one and called out to her. “Taxi?”

Sue avoided looking at him and took out her phone. She knew she only had one person to call.

“Where are you?” She immediately asks when the other end picked up her call.

“Taiping Zoo. Why?

“What are you even doing there?”

“I wanted to watch the circus. Didn’t I tell you before?”

“No? You didn’t tell me anything.”

“Well, maybe I didn’t. But I thought you had something else to do? You told me to just do my stuff.”

Sue couldn’t even be bothered to answer him. She knows she had something else urgent to ask.

“I remember you said you’re going back by bus, right? Any chance they have extra tickets?”

“Erm…” there was a short pause on the other hand, “I think it’s too late to get the bus tickets now. I asked you the other day and you said you’ll arrange your own transport, remember?”

That was it. That’s the answer she needed from him.

 “Alright. No problem. I’ll call you back later.” Sue hung up. Again, without even uttering a goodbye.

By the time she hung up. Sue realized that the sun had already set and the night lights were already turned on. The evening had already begun and it was already 7.30pm. The driveway entrance was filled with families rushing in and out the main door, pulling along their kids and dragging luggage up and down the stairs, probably all busy getting ready to head home before the weekday arrives.

‘There’s still hope though.’ Sue thought.

She bravely walked up to the bored-looking taxi driver who was leaning against the wall. Knowingly that she appeared to be desperate for a ride back home, the taxi driver smirked at her.

“Taxi, Miss? We can give you cheap price!” he said.

“How much to go back to KL?”

“KL?!” he exclaims. His face looked surprised at the moment as if he had hit a jackpot full of gold. The taxi driver turned to his subordinate and exchange a few words in Malay before turning to her again with a promising face.

“6,000!”

“What?”

“6,000!” He repeated

“In Malaysian Ringgit?”

“In Australian Dollars.”

“What the fuck?”

“6,000 Australian Dollar Miss. Here hard to get taxi. But we can drive you there. No problem!” Said the taxi driver in his broken English. Sue noticed that he may just be using her disadvantage to scam the hell out of her.

‘Am I dreaming or what? How on earth is Cameron Highland charging Australian Dollars?! Did we just switch to an Australian Prime Minister?’

Well, to be frank, Sue, you haven’t been catching up with the news. We might have. A voice ridiculed her.

Sue knows she had the lower end of the deal. She was in a difficult situation where any solution is worth trying. Bargaining was her only choice.

“No cheaper?” Sue asked, sounding like a desperate negotiator.

“6,000 AUD. Or no go home.” The taxi driver gestures her away as he turned and returned to his usual lazy routine. He leaned against the wall and ignore her.

Sue paced around for a moment. Thinking.

‘How am I to go back?’

Sue needs to go. She can’t stay. Not at any moment. She needs to get away from here. She doesn’t belong here. She hates it here. She doesn’t want to see him and that bitch.

Sue looked at the dark long highway road just down the hill from the drive-thru.

‘Maybe I could walk back?’

The fuck? Walk back? Along the dark highway? 250km away from home? What happens if I kena kidnapped, raped, and killed?

Sue couldn’t take it. She slumped down to the stairs of the drive-thru porch and broke down. She had no way of going home now. She needed help. Very badly.

In her tears, she knows that she had to exhaust all possibilities she had. Hoping that things will appear for the best even if she knew that the probability of it happening is bleak.

Sue redialed the same number she had hung up earlier.

“Hello?” the call answered.

Sue knows that she couldn’t contain her trembling scared voice.

“Yow….”

“Hey… Sue… are you okay?

“Help.” She broke down and sobbed. “I need help to go back.”

“Oh, Sue….” He paused. “Where are you now?”

“Cameron Highlands.”

“Jesus Christ.” He sighed.

Sue didn’t reply. She was struggling to hold back her tears and her sniffles. But each time she does, it only became harder for her to hold back anything. Including herself.

“Sorry Sue. I wish I could help. Sorry.”

Sue hung up. No goodbyes. Again.

Sue cried even harder. Knowing this time that nothing is going to work.

It was the moment in her life where she felt so vulnerable, even more so when she reached out to ask for someone’s help but no help was provided. She felt so useless, clueless, and lost. Knowing that in all her life, she had everything under control. She has always tried to be strong for herself and everyone else around her.

Until now. Until this happens. This exact moment where it broke her.

But Sue knows.

She knows that calling Yow wasn’t her very last attempt.

She knows that even when she has nothing else left, she still always has a way out from any chaos that is happening in her life.

She still has that last option left. But it’s not going to be good and comfortable for her to do so.

She picks up her phone and dials a different number.

A number she hasn’t called for a long time.

“Hello?” A familiar voice answered.

“Hey…”

* * *

It was raining heavily on the way back home.

Sue looked out the window of the car, feeling a little more relieved than she had earlier. Relief was the only feeling she needs to feel right now. However, in some corners in her heart, there was a mix of bitter feelings. She wasn’t expecting this to happen, but who cares? All she knows is that she can finally head home.

The lady sitting in at the passenger seat felt a little uneasy as if she looked like she had a lot of questions in her mind, but it was the least of Sue’s concerns. It’s not her problem anyway.

Khai Joon turned on the music to fill the silence. No one spoke a thing throughout the whole trip.

But the silence was good. Silence is all that Sue needs at the moment.

 She just needed to go home. Nothing else matters.

Tears slipped at the corner of her eyes, but she didn’t bother to wipe it away, fearing that Khai Joon will notice them. Sue had to hold them in, no matter what. No matter how hard her blocked nose is preventing her from breathing, the sobs, the sniffles, and her unhappy disgruntled feeling inside, she has to accept the 2 hours of uncomfortable feeling inside of her to go home.

She might still go back home and cry again. Maybe for hours or days, but for now, she will just hold it in…

… and be strong.