You're THE problem...!!!

YOU MAKE ME SO FREAKING MISERABLE!!!!

It's ALWAYS ABOUT SARA SARA SARA!!!!

BUT HAVE YOU EVER THINK ABOUT YOURSELF ?!!!!

HOW TO ASK OTHER PEOPLE TO CHANGE YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN CHANGE YOURSELF YOU FREAKING MORON!!!!

HOW MUCH I CAN'T STAND YOUR ATTITUDE ANY LONGER!!!

NO WONDER MY FRIENDS HATED YOU!!!

YOU WERE BRAIN WASHING ME!!! YOU WANT TO MAKE ME MISERABLE LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE NOW!!!!

*TUT* YOU!!!!

I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!!!!

I DON'T WANNA SOLVE YOUR *TUT* PROBLEMS!!!

YOU'RE A SICKO!!!!

N WHO SAYS IM NOT MATURE!!!

MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS *UCKING STUPID N ANNOYING AND *TUT*

IT'S NOT TAT I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!

IT'S YOU WHO MAKE ME TREAT YOU LIKE THIS!!!

OH...HOW I WISH YOU WERE READING THIS NOW...IF YOU'RE READING THEN...

GOOD!!! NEVER FEEL SO GREAT TO HATE A PERSON SO POWERFUL IN MY LIFE!!!

My neighbour just passed away last Sunday...

He is an old man...living all alone...with no one to care of...

His name is Jen...I call him Uncle Jen...

He is a nice man...willingly to help people with their problems...ecspecially my mom...

The news just hit me when I woke up at 12noon, Sunday morning...realising that next door was noisy...

I saw a lot of people next door...and a van which the sign says,"Funeral Service".

I held my breath...and pray that this is not happening...

But it already happened...

I was too speechless to say anything...thoughts are running like a endless money counting machine...

Well...I got nothing to say but...

Rest In Peace Uncle Jen...

life is so different when you're not here...

Did I make her feel happy & comfortable in class everyday?
Although we're friends for 4 years...there's always something missing...her smile...
Is she smiling everyday?

I know she doesn't like the class...
& she thinks that the class hates her....
it's her and her stupid negative thinking....

I know how much she wants to be with her other friend next class....

I feel like I'm a useless friend to her....
And when she mention that....that I didn't make her happy in the same class as her....
It breaks my heart....

A failure...from a friendship?....
Why?
I alwayz so quiet everyday...
There seems like I have nothing to talk...
Like what ?!
I feel so...useless...as a friend to her...

What am I suppose to do to make her happy?
Now she's getting sick and weaker each day...
What is happening to her?
What is happening to me?
What is happening TO MY FREAKING LIFE!!!???

Life is a peace of SHIT when you can't solve all your freaking problems....I MEAN IT!!!

Now the problems only doesn't lies on her now....it also lies on other of my FREAKING PROBLEMS!!!

How am I to solve it?...

1. How to make "HER" happy & comfortable in class everyday
2. Forget about the confession part that "SHE" say to me (FARKING PROBLEM)
3. Between me & my "so-called bf" and another "GUY"
4. "HIS" FARKING PROBLEM WHICH KEEPS ME FARKING DAM MISERABLE EVERY FARKING DAY!!!

haizz...feel so good after saying those problems....now...time to solve it....

1. I WILL TRY TO TALK TO HER EVERYDAY!!!!
2. WE'RE FRIENDS!!! NOT LESBIANS!!! (i wish she didn't confess to me about that...)
3. I WILL WAIT FOR HIM!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! N if "YOU" ever confess to me (sum day 1 day), i will have to say to you...can we know each other more before confessing? But I still like you as a friend
4. fark this farking guy keep bothering me...what is his problem...no...it's not him...probably is HIM AND SARA'S PROBLEM!!!

I feel...like...im on the EVIL side....haizz...have to stop myself from typing all this freaking bad words...I'm already breaking one of the precepts...(is it?)
Haizz...what's with the world...
What's with me?

WHAT IS GOD PLANNING TO DO WITH ME....

I'm suffering...
Either I didn't follow the 5/8 precepts...
What...

When was the last time I become a wise person...
going to temple, pray...attend Sunday school...

Oh...FARKING COMPUTER...U RUINED MY LIFE!!! FARK U FOR LIFE!!!

Love is patient & kind,
Love is not jealous or boastful,
Love is not proud or rude,
Love does not demand its own way,
Love is not irritable or hold grudges,
Love does not support injustice,
Love never gives up,
Love endures through every circumstances.

Just came back from camp...

And also just finish unpacking my stuff, etc, etc...

Aiyah...I lazy to state and remember what I did for the last 3 days and 3 night camp la...

I think it was okay i guess...was in Forever's group, contains 16 members...with Shin Yee and Harry...

Yean Lynn and Mr.Woo...(was is Mr.Hoo or Woo...?lolx...he is a tempo teacher in our school)

...I did like a tiny weeny bit of the camp...but somehow...something makes me dislikes it...

It was probably the discipline in the camp...they should have banned girls from wearing pants/skirts above knee length...arghh...so horrible...so way no discipline...(tatz why I never wear so nice outside...so I won't get raped by dirty guyz~~ :) )

And when they say lights out at 11pm...make sure the committee must patrol THE DORMS (girl/boy) to make sure the lights are off...and wake up call also the same leh...wake them up 1 hour early to let them get dress or watever la...

And if can...try putting morning exercises as well early in the morning after devotion loh...it's even better I guess...I would have love it alot more 10% if they did put morning exercises...

Nah....It wasn't the discipline that make me unhappy...it was probably the friends there...

HOW I HATED THAT SOMEONE AND THAT ANOTHER 2 MORE SOMEONE WHO WAS IN THE CAMP AS WELL...same group also...accept 1...probably...that stops me from enjoying the camp which I'm not suppose to be...

Oh...I was sleeping near the stupid air-cond...on a double deck bed (i was sleeping on top)...Holy Siew Pao!!! Dam *tut* so COLD!!! Woke up several times in the middle of the night coz too cold...I was wearing a jacket sa more...and using a blanket but STILL COLD!!! *tut*

The food was okay I guess...alot of flies flying around everywhere...arghh...dam those *tut* flies...dam dirty that canteen...dam so not hygienic at all...I rather bath in dirty toilets then eating dirty food...(im suppose to be thankful...-.-").

Wai Seh...first time go to camp got AIR-COND WOR!!!

...i wasn't there to enjoy those luxuries & comfort...

I was there to attend the workshop and to listen and understand and know more and...lol...play the activities ?xD

The bathroom and toilet still okay...but got windows open 1 geh!!!-.-" People can see us bathing like that...zzz...but block it loh...at least got a shower, right? Better then bathing with a TOILET HOSE in my Physical St.John Training Camp...lolx...but that camp was way better then PD Camp...absolutely.

The camp was about Life, Love & Sex...interesting topic, right? Sure it was...but lazy to type here...

Workshop...got 7 I think...listen until wan fall asleep jor...some I know already...-.-"

At least I know 1 thing...Premarital sex is sex before marriage...hahahahaahahaha!!...not farni...-.-"

Blah Blah Blah...then our group theme sketch was Adventure...

lol...our sketch is about a couple in search of a "Golden Char Siew Pao" (I created one d...lolx...) to save their friends who is held hostage by pirates...lolx...

After the Talent Night which 3 other teams won....everyone was like talking about that Char Siew Pao...lolx...but...haha...sad...they din notice it represents me...lolx...at least some did...lolx...
my group was like laughing like siao...lolx...the audience same also...i think...

Catch The Flag was fun...but we lose...zzz...2 times sa more....haizz...(Black VS White) {Our team was white...containing 3 groups}

Beach Game was okay...dig until hand dam tired orh...I can't find a single vitagen bottle!!! Argh...but at least we finish in second place...thanks to the girls!!! we Rockz!!! We finish faster then the boys...muahahahha!!! I heard that after the caterpillar, people complaining their butt and hand pain worh...lolx...pain meh?lolx...not really gua...

What else...worshipping is fun, although I'm not a christian but I find it very enjoyable and the song quite nice~x3

The rest dunno loh I guess...

oh...I met 1 boy which I think he was from St.John...he was like walking in front of me then suddenly turned at the back and look at me and say,"You're from St.John right?"

I was like...erh...how he know me? How he know I'm from St.John...lolx...

Then we chatted a little bit before I went to bath...surprisingly...I was still in shocked...through out the whole camp...lol...Arghh....my bad...I forgot to ask for his name, age and his e-mail add...

Ahhh...nvm...

Oh...how he know me again? He say he saw/know me worh...in 2006, I was in Form 2, then I think me & my St.John Division went to the...First Aid Demonstration Dunno dunno wat heck thing la...can't REMEMBER!!! I think there were many other divisions over there as well...aiyah...can't remember la...my stupid brain can't remember anything d...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well...it's good to be home once again...

Yean Lynn mood swings back to action once she on the radio and she was screaming like siao...lolx...

And, me...

my table messy like garbage bin...
my kitten grow so big liao...
my dogs all sniffing my clothes...
my beautiful toilet waiting for me to use NOW!!!
my beautiful bathroom waiting for me to use it LATER!!!
my (not my) grandmother as usual nagging & being grumpy like a peace of crap...
my younger sister as usual chubby and...pampered...
my 2nd sister...still as selfish as before...and stubborn...
and...
my mom...not yet back from work...zzz....-.-"

Okay la...I stopped here for now...later still got stupid sucker tuition...*tut*...-.-" HaizzZ...

Welcome back home Char Siew Pao aka Siew Lin!!! x333

Eh...I realise I didn't have that feeling of wanting to become a christian again...lol...YES!!! I'm STILL A BUDDHIST!!! A STRONG BUDDHIST!!!

I LOVE MYSELF!!!

I AM UNIQUE!!!

ok...im sounding like im sarcastic and stupid...

I sms a friend of mine to ask about a moral project, instead I receive a reply back from...another person...

Unknown : WHO IS THIS ?

Me : Who you?

Unknown : Who you first...

Me : I'm siewlin la...WHO U ?!

Unknown : I'm Gary...How you get my number d ?!

Me : How I know worh...

Unknown : You were the one who ask me about the moral project leh...

Me : HAR!! Ya meh...Sorry sorry...wrong number....lolx

Unknown : Okiez...Nvm...bb

Opps....wrong number....

3 hours later....I receive a message....

Unknown : Anyway, Im' from CES Education Centre regrading English, Japanese, Mandarin, LCCI, Business Diploma...thank you....

....

speechless...-.-" what the heck is that....zZz...

So fast Friday loh!! Haha...put the plates in the FA Room first thing when I reached to school. Was almost late for assembly...

Then watch our school celebrate the National Day thing...lol...haven't even close to National Day then so fast celebrate jor....-.-"

After that, went for exercise. Yeah...I feel so fresh after that breath-taking & sweating exercise...

YES!!! FINALLY!!! I DID 50 PUSH UPS!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I ROCKZ!!!
(did I mention...some students were looking at me & Sara doing exercises...lol...wonder what so nice to look at us...)

Very tiring...

At 11.30am, ask teacher permission to go out call pizza delivery. Teacher don't LET!!! She ask me finish her homework first...what is there to finish wor!!! I finish liao leh...

11.45pm, ask again, this time almost half begging her to let me go out...finally she let...

Went to staff room to call, make use of our school the phone mah....make them pay more...MUAHAHAHAHHAHA...

I dunno who is the caller...but I can't make out what he was saying!!! Mostly replying back...huh? what? pardon? what did u say? (I sound so rude....lolx) But he seems to know the place very liao coz he know my school beside got mosque...

By the time I finish the call, it was 12noon liao....minimum time for pizza to arrive is 1 hour!!! LOL!!!

After school, at 12.30pm, waited for the pizza man...lolx...

and waited...

and waited...

1pm....my seniors started chasing me asking for food...lolx...

I feel so guilty making all my St.John members waiting like that...starving...lolx...poor them...

But we did joke around to make things not feel so bad...Synn Dee, Jason, Lydia, Cheat Sun, Mei Hui, Natalie, Sean and the rest were joking, laughing and talking about the pizza man...lolx....

Imagine when everytime a motorcycle passes by, n the members were soooo hungry they thought it was the pizza man, they chase the motorcycle...

SURE LMAO like MAD!!!

Then finally at 1.30pm, the pizza man arrive, everyone was like...cheering at the pizza man when it drove up to us....ZZZZZZZZzzzz SWT!!!

Everyone took the 8 boxes of pizza and ran away with it...-.-"

leaving me behind to pay the bills....how nice of them...zzzz...

It was RM212.75 sens. The fund was RM300 from the St.Johns stalls on koko day. So I took RM30 for my plates and cups. Left RM50...lol....

Then celebrate loh...there were 50 members altogether if I'm not mistaken....to the count of my plastic cups missing....lolx...

After that, collect my winning prizes for the marching competition, give some to my friends...which I think it was nice...x3 I'm so sweet am i? Syok sendiri...!!! HAHA!!!

Ate a peace of BBQ pizza and a chicken...lolx...pizza nice...chicken...my mom can cook better then that...xD Syok!! Syok!! x3

Went to Sara's house to discuss her birthday games for tomorrow. This is gonna be so fun....*sinister laugh*...

Ok loh...so far like that oni...

Time Really Flies...

*sigh...

Now is the 1 week holiday liao....x3

Can't wait!!!

My test results was out last week...

haha...this time fail very badly...badly till I almost din see the longkang(drain) and almost fell in...lolx...

well...envy my friends can get good scores, and...hm...let's say...some of them looked down on me, especially my teachers...

but well, that's the fact, and I have to face it that I din study well enough to get good grades...

Hmm...but there's one thing friends shouldn't say this to me :

Har?!! Your results that bad?

Hmm...friends should at least encourage them to do better next time...but it seems I receive some bad comments about me after all from them...

heartbreaking....isn't it?

as so it seems....

this is the last time I will say this...

NEVER LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE...

This is a bad habit that some of my friends got into. And to say...you are a SELFISH person...

Last year, during my PMR 3rd tryout exam I score quite bad marks, some friends which I dun wan to mention their names, compared their marks with mine. Left out, I guess I felt...
But after the PMR results came out...I score 2 A's...and my friends only 1A. Amazed with my results, I can see by their faces. And they didn't talk about their results and mine anymore.

Okay, let's get back to my subject...

My exam results were :

English - 94
Bahasa Melayu - 22
Science - 58
Mathematics - 43
History - 20
Economics - 16
Accounts - 25
Moral - 38
Arts - 97

English, can't say anything, if I fail my English I sure jump off KLCC...was in the top 10 highest score in class. Mr.Chai gave the top 10 "My Fair Lady" VCD...lolx...poor Sara can't get it...

B.M...hohoho...let's see...one reason I didn't pass my B.M...I fell asleep during the B.M exam period....zZz...haizz...Rugi sia...

Science, got study...so that's my marks loh...-.-" sure can improve better next time...

Maths...I thought it was freaking easy but my graph all draw wrong...zzz...what luck...

History...take tuition yet still fail...well...history is a common subject for students to fail...lolx...

Eco...I hate eco...I hate the teacher...end of story...

Accounts...hm...I don't understand but in the end I understand but tat was after my exam...-.-"

Moral...can't fix all the moral kata kunci into my head...well...too bad for me then...

Last, Arts...I dunno...I was the highest mark in class...I forgot which picture teacher took my marks from...I was quite shocked though...but proud to see my favourite subject getting the highest score although many subjects I did fail...teacher rewarded me $$ (haven't give me yet) for getting the highest score in class...so happy...=) Dun get jealous hor...x3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After recess, went back to class, alone, then sat down and talked to Teck Sin...then Jey Quang, the treasurer came to my table and asked for RM5 for the newspaper money...

I was busying talking to Teck Sin as I slowly took out my wallet...ready to give him...

Then that Idiot shouted at me again asking for RM5...

I got soo pissed off with his attitude that I shouted at him to wait...

I heard my voice echoed in class, as Teck Sin stares at me, Kavilan laughing at that Idiot and the whole class looking at us...

I threw my RM5 on the table as he stares at me...he took the money and walk away...

how dare he talk to a lady like tat...

Then continue to talk to Teck Sin...

pissing me off that *FISH Moron Idiot...

Haizz...so tired...how I wish I can get a 1 week of good sleep...

Mom ask me to help her pay the electric & water bill cause she was busy working and don't have time to go to the TMNet building there to pay.

Since anyway, the TMNet building was near by my school, so, she gave me the responsibility to finish the task loh...and of course...she give me the money to pay lah...you think I so rich meh...xD And this is the only chance I can be independant and learn...

She hadn't pay for 1 month...zzz...I was staring at her with my eyes open...

Thank gosh the electricity is still running although haven't pay for 1 month....Can imagine doing my homework in the kitchen with candle lights....=.=ll

After school, thought I can go out alone but...*sigh...see what happens when I tell my friends and in the end...Sara, Yean Lynn & her *AHEM...tag along...-.- to ensure my SAFETY....lolx...-.-"

Oh, by the way, we were staying back to study accounts together.

Then walk walk walk...reach the building then go in...(people must be wondering what are we doing in there and in school uniform sa more)...

Then, I kinda go blurz liao...finding the ticket thingy...then dunno press what button...click the "Pambayaran" then wait for the number...lolx...I still remember is 1175....HOHOHOHO....

Nothing la...Yean, Mok & Sara just sit there to enjoy the air-cond. Just give money then go loh...

Didn't know it was that easy....

I bet the person at the counter must be thinking...."Hmph...what is this school girl doing here...must be ponteng sekolah..." lolx...I doubt it...xD....I bet he never see a school girl like me paying the electric & water bill before....haha...

It's good being independant, you may not know what will happen in the future when there's no one to help you and you're all on your own, ready to face the reality world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many of my friends asked my why go for marching and why I like it so much. What did I gained from it? Don't I think it's wasting my time?

First and foremost, marching is cooperating with my team, and I enjoy it. Lose as a team, win as a team. Suffer as a team, enjoy as a team. And it is not wasting my time.

Secondly, marching is all about discipline and self independant. Sometimes when I can't find transportation to go home, sometimes I would walk home by feet or wait 1 hour++ for the public bus. That is experience.

Lastly , keep fit mah...hahaha...you think it's only marching? Sure got physical excercise to make you fit.

Deleted my incomplete story "The Lost Siblings". Haizz...i totally have no idea how to continue writting it and I've been lazying around not writting at all....

Nvm bah....writters make mistakes after all....see what i want to write again.....hmmmm....