I stayed awake in bed...
I was the only one in my room...tired from yesterday's staying up so late...
I coul hear my grandmother talking about my mother...
my sister replying my grandmother back with her poorly spoken cantonese...
Mom still not back yet...
I could hear my sister came in to the room and making a call...
It was some thing that I wasn't waiting to hear, as I lie silently in my bed, gripping onto my pillow...
Mom went to Penang last Wednesday, she wasn't feeling well, having fever, but yet she forced herself to go to Penang to settle some lawyer stuff...
She droved in the night...and it made me quite worried...
As I heard Aunty Penny (Sara's mom) told me that it took 7 hours for her to reach Penang...
and that's where, I can't stop being worried about my mom...
I sent her a Get Well Soon message, asking her to come back as soon as her fever subsided...
Her fever has not been subsiding over 3 days...
On the day I came back home, I received a message from my mom.
"Steffi, can u give me you IC number,
im better now
take care"
After reading that, I relaxed a little...
but...
what a f*cking lie it was...
As my sister hang up from the phone and told grandmother some drastic news...
My tears started to leak uncontrobably...
My mom was in hospital...
What did mom deserve to be in hospital!!! What is God planning to do with her!!!
Is life so cruel to be like this?!
I can't stop crying myself in bed...
I never felt so much sadder then anything else...
The tears just keeps on flowing like my eyes were injured...
I could hear my grandmother making a call to my Aunty...
Her voice so loud...as usual...
Saying something about the lorry someone stolen something from the lorry...
WTF is this...
Mom in hospital...
Now robbery?
I cried even harder...now my pillow soaking wet...already out of control...can't control any longer...
I miss her so much...I want her to come home...
I got out from bed, sitting on the bed in the dark, wiping all the tears from my face...
the time now is 11.45am...
I changed into a T-Shirt and stepped out from the room...
I looked at the mirror...
my eyes were red, my nose too were red, unable to breath due to too much of mucus...
Now I'm able to control my tears...
Sitting on the kitchen chair, applying peanut butter onto the bread...
The tears started again...each tears dropped onto the bread...I wiped my tears again...
Crying doesn't help, it just makes you more miserable...I told myself...
Funny...the peanut butter bread still taste good...
What is God planning to do with mom? That's my question.
My question was answered, God has a reason for what He's doing, He wants us to love my mom more.
I just want her to come back home safely...
I haven't give her her birthday present I just bought for her...
I love my mom so much...
Please...
Authors Note : Can everyone take 1 minute to pray for my mom for her recovery soon. I want her to come back home safely. I love her.
I was the only one in my room...tired from yesterday's staying up so late...
I coul hear my grandmother talking about my mother...
my sister replying my grandmother back with her poorly spoken cantonese...
Mom still not back yet...
I could hear my sister came in to the room and making a call...
It was some thing that I wasn't waiting to hear, as I lie silently in my bed, gripping onto my pillow...
Mom went to Penang last Wednesday, she wasn't feeling well, having fever, but yet she forced herself to go to Penang to settle some lawyer stuff...
She droved in the night...and it made me quite worried...
As I heard Aunty Penny (Sara's mom) told me that it took 7 hours for her to reach Penang...
and that's where, I can't stop being worried about my mom...
I sent her a Get Well Soon message, asking her to come back as soon as her fever subsided...
Her fever has not been subsiding over 3 days...
On the day I came back home, I received a message from my mom.
"Steffi, can u give me you IC number,
im better now
take care"
After reading that, I relaxed a little...
but...
what a f*cking lie it was...
As my sister hang up from the phone and told grandmother some drastic news...
My tears started to leak uncontrobably...
My mom was in hospital...
What did mom deserve to be in hospital!!! What is God planning to do with her!!!
Is life so cruel to be like this?!
I can't stop crying myself in bed...
I never felt so much sadder then anything else...
The tears just keeps on flowing like my eyes were injured...
I could hear my grandmother making a call to my Aunty...
Her voice so loud...as usual...
Saying something about the lorry someone stolen something from the lorry...
WTF is this...
Mom in hospital...
Now robbery?
I cried even harder...now my pillow soaking wet...already out of control...can't control any longer...
I miss her so much...I want her to come home...
I got out from bed, sitting on the bed in the dark, wiping all the tears from my face...
the time now is 11.45am...
I changed into a T-Shirt and stepped out from the room...
I looked at the mirror...
my eyes were red, my nose too were red, unable to breath due to too much of mucus...
Now I'm able to control my tears...
Sitting on the kitchen chair, applying peanut butter onto the bread...
The tears started again...each tears dropped onto the bread...I wiped my tears again...
Crying doesn't help, it just makes you more miserable...I told myself...
Funny...the peanut butter bread still taste good...
What is God planning to do with mom? That's my question.
My question was answered, God has a reason for what He's doing, He wants us to love my mom more.
I just want her to come back home safely...
I haven't give her her birthday present I just bought for her...
I love my mom so much...
Please...
Authors Note : Can everyone take 1 minute to pray for my mom for her recovery soon. I want her to come back home safely. I love her.
We won the competition...
We work as a team (well...not really)
We gone through many things...
&...
everything paid off...
Sweet Memories~^^v
We work as a team (well...not really)
We gone through many things...
&...
everything paid off...
Sweet Memories~^^v
Finally back at home!!! Miss my beautiful toilet...
my 3 bitches (DOGS I MEAN!!!)
my 2 kitties!!!
&....
my annoying sista & my beautiful kitchen...waiting for me to grab something to eat~
Yum~Yum~^^v
Ok...my mom went to Penang to settle some lawyer stuffs...
Then no one fetch me to tuition so thought Sara's parents can fetch me...
But she's fetching me to school & back too...so i thought if I stayed over her house till Friday...then Sara's parents don't have to drive here and there like a mad cow to fetch me...
The 3 days 2 nights stay was...
ok I guess...
everytime we want to take a nap or sleep we will start talking till we fall asleep...lol...
The 1st night slept at 12.30am, coz helping her with her *ahem birthday card...(u know she's not that artistic....)
2nd night, slept at 1.30am...same reason...do the card...anyway...we came back late from tuition also...
(yes...we study in the same school, same class, sit the same car & study in the same tuition centre)
the lunch was...ok i think...can't complain much...if not I would be eating cucumber...dinner same food from afternoon leftover...-.-"
her BF keep smsing like....wth...
almost everyday also sms...rawr!!! crazy lovers...-.-"
i did tell him not to keep up this dam habit...but, look...still smsing...zzz...no hope...
(See what happens to man when their dam crazy deeply in love)
I don't know whether he loves her coz of her outer beauty or the inner...what would have happen if he realize she was uglee in the first place? he would have dump her by then...zZz...ki siao!!!
then...hmm....can't remember the rest...
friday went shopping in parkson to buy my mom a birthday gift,RM30 fly away just a blink of an eye...life suckz like hell when I have to use me money...
in the evening went pasar malam with Yean Lynn & Sara, for the first time. It wasn't a proper dinner...but heck, we get to hang out together with the 3 best friends~xD
mom was sick in Penang...make me quite worried...hope she comes back soon ASAP and pray nothing happens...
18-09-08, Thursday at Sara's House...
Dear receive my letter leh!!! So happy~xD Finally this 2nd letter was a success~sobz~
Thankz to piggy lynnliu~muackzz her lotz lotz~
And he say he likes my bookmark and say it's one of the best pressey!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! so happy~xD & he say my hand-writting nice~
Omg...i've gone hyper....
k la...now clock showing 3.16am. finished up this post...wan sleep...
NiteZ my beloved dear Blog Diary~x3
NiteZ my beloved Dear~MuackzZ you lotz!!! Can't wait for yours =P
my 3 bitches (DOGS I MEAN!!!)
my 2 kitties!!!
&....
my annoying sista & my beautiful kitchen...waiting for me to grab something to eat~
Yum~Yum~^^v
Ok...my mom went to Penang to settle some lawyer stuffs...
Then no one fetch me to tuition so thought Sara's parents can fetch me...
But she's fetching me to school & back too...so i thought if I stayed over her house till Friday...then Sara's parents don't have to drive here and there like a mad cow to fetch me...
The 3 days 2 nights stay was...
ok I guess...
everytime we want to take a nap or sleep we will start talking till we fall asleep...lol...
The 1st night slept at 12.30am, coz helping her with her *ahem birthday card...(u know she's not that artistic....)
2nd night, slept at 1.30am...same reason...do the card...anyway...we came back late from tuition also...
(yes...we study in the same school, same class, sit the same car & study in the same tuition centre)
the lunch was...ok i think...can't complain much...if not I would be eating cucumber...dinner same food from afternoon leftover...-.-"
her BF keep smsing like....wth...
almost everyday also sms...rawr!!! crazy lovers...-.-"
i did tell him not to keep up this dam habit...but, look...still smsing...zzz...no hope...
(See what happens to man when their dam crazy deeply in love)
I don't know whether he loves her coz of her outer beauty or the inner...what would have happen if he realize she was uglee in the first place? he would have dump her by then...zZz...ki siao!!!
then...hmm....can't remember the rest...
friday went shopping in parkson to buy my mom a birthday gift,RM30 fly away just a blink of an eye...life suckz like hell when I have to use me money...
in the evening went pasar malam with Yean Lynn & Sara, for the first time. It wasn't a proper dinner...but heck, we get to hang out together with the 3 best friends~xD
mom was sick in Penang...make me quite worried...hope she comes back soon ASAP and pray nothing happens...
18-09-08, Thursday at Sara's House...
Dear receive my letter leh!!! So happy~xD Finally this 2nd letter was a success~sobz~
Thankz to piggy lynnliu~muackzz her lotz lotz~
And he say he likes my bookmark and say it's one of the best pressey!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! so happy~xD & he say my hand-writting nice~
Omg...i've gone hyper....
k la...now clock showing 3.16am. finished up this post...wan sleep...
NiteZ my beloved dear Blog Diary~x3
NiteZ my beloved Dear~MuackzZ you lotz!!! Can't wait for yours =P
As I see you, sitting at the pondok...
It's time...
that I forget bout you...
& let it go...
I'm just being childish...yea...I know that...
so this is goodbye...
and that, I can't like you anymore...
tataz sucker!!! ^^v (im saying that to forget about him)
I know he's better then you, i know he's better then you...
lalalalalalala...
It's time...
that I forget bout you...
& let it go...
I'm just being childish...yea...I know that...
so this is goodbye...
and that, I can't like you anymore...
tataz sucker!!! ^^v (im saying that to forget about him)
I know he's better then you, i know he's better then you...
lalalalalalala...
Today very tired leh...lazy also want type out here...
Wake up at 7.45am...go school for the sivik project...go musuem...our group was suppose to talk about "Polis Di Bukit Kepong"..look here look there...
The only thing that interest me is the Polis underwears and...bras? (wth)
And the pervert kampung people who draw pornografi on a handkerchief where the police rampas it...lol...
Went home at 12.30pm...wai seh...so tired liao...
Last night sleep at 3am. Haizz...
Ok...then go home wash shoe...then take a quick bath...getting ready to go out mid valley with piggy lynnliu, philip tan gor & icemaker aka eric.
lol...really make me running around the house here and there...coz I haven't finish writting the letter finish...lol...then...
*sigh* finally everything settle...chores done....things i wanna do also done...
really wan make me die liao...
4.45pm...walk out from house then thought of going temple wait there d...but since philip still on the way then i go playground sit swing...
was all slone there...so quite scary...
Sit awhile leh stomach started to upset liao...then walk around till 5.15pm, i go walk to temple. Actually philip suppose find me in playground, but since he can't find it then walk to the temple...lol...walk until started sweating leh...
Then meet lynn and philip...out of breath...walk up hill leh...wan die!!! then go mid valley meet up with eric...
ai seh...1st time meet they all...feel like a little sibling like that...as usual..im the shortest...-.-"
Ok then...we go eat...eat what arh...eat loh...stupid fried rice so much...eat till wan die liao...then pig keep feeding me with chicken like queen n ahtan give me big chicken....
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...
in the end...
=cannot finish=
then go buy movie ticket then go shopping....i keep looking at price tag...-.-" habit
wah...mai say leh...
VERY LAZY TYPE LIAO......
and the list goes on...
watch "Money Not Enough 2". singapore movie lai de..
quite ok la i guess...first time watch also blur blur...then slowly get it...quite funny...sad also...some people got cry accept me...(lynn, philip & eric)
-.-" i know it's touching and sad...but yet i find out i already know the moral value of the story...lol...so...just watch loh...really i swear!!! I didn't cry...
they so sweet leh...treat me like little kid like tat...pampered me like their own kid...din ask them buy me popcorn but they bought for me anyway also bu hao yi shi...
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....lmao...nth between me n eric la okay!!!
show finish around 9++ then say bb to eric then go back....
10pm reach home...say bb...then....now im doing wat im doing lo...Zzz
ok bb...no mood blog liao...
not feeling well also...ok bb..i go vomit...
Wake up at 7.45am...go school for the sivik project...go musuem...our group was suppose to talk about "Polis Di Bukit Kepong"..look here look there...
The only thing that interest me is the Polis underwears and...bras? (wth)
And the pervert kampung people who draw pornografi on a handkerchief where the police rampas it...lol...
Went home at 12.30pm...wai seh...so tired liao...
Last night sleep at 3am. Haizz...
Ok...then go home wash shoe...then take a quick bath...getting ready to go out mid valley with piggy lynnliu, philip tan gor & icemaker aka eric.
lol...really make me running around the house here and there...coz I haven't finish writting the letter finish...lol...then...
*sigh* finally everything settle...chores done....things i wanna do also done...
really wan make me die liao...
4.45pm...walk out from house then thought of going temple wait there d...but since philip still on the way then i go playground sit swing...
was all slone there...so quite scary...
Sit awhile leh stomach started to upset liao...then walk around till 5.15pm, i go walk to temple. Actually philip suppose find me in playground, but since he can't find it then walk to the temple...lol...walk until started sweating leh...
Then meet lynn and philip...out of breath...walk up hill leh...wan die!!! then go mid valley meet up with eric...
ai seh...1st time meet they all...feel like a little sibling like that...as usual..im the shortest...-.-"
Ok then...we go eat...eat what arh...eat loh...stupid fried rice so much...eat till wan die liao...then pig keep feeding me with chicken like queen n ahtan give me big chicken....
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...
in the end...
=cannot finish=
then go buy movie ticket then go shopping....i keep looking at price tag...-.-" habit
wah...mai say leh...
VERY LAZY TYPE LIAO......
and the list goes on...
watch "Money Not Enough 2". singapore movie lai de..
quite ok la i guess...first time watch also blur blur...then slowly get it...quite funny...sad also...some people got cry accept me...(lynn, philip & eric)
-.-" i know it's touching and sad...but yet i find out i already know the moral value of the story...lol...so...just watch loh...really i swear!!! I didn't cry...
they so sweet leh...treat me like little kid like tat...pampered me like their own kid...din ask them buy me popcorn but they bought for me anyway also bu hao yi shi...
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....lmao...nth between me n eric la okay!!!
show finish around 9++ then say bb to eric then go back....
10pm reach home...say bb...then....now im doing wat im doing lo...Zzz
ok bb...no mood blog liao...
not feeling well also...ok bb..i go vomit...
A small red book stood alone in the empty world of black and white. I came closer to get a good look at it and the pages fluttered open to a specific entry. I picked up and found it was the memoirs of a dying boy's last days. Kim Jae Duc. These entries chronicled the last days of his life as he fought his battle with cancer. The moment I picked the book up, I felt a cool breeze circulating me and it's giving me the chills as if Kim Jae Duc's spirit is still here. Read along with me because I'm afraid to read it alone. Kim Jae Duc might not like me going through his personal belongings
*~*~*~*
Dear Journal, (Journal sounds more masculine, don't you think?)
First of all, you must be wondering why a guy would keep a journal right? The reason I have you is because I need something to reveal my innermost thoughts and secrets to but I can't tell a living soul. I, Kim Jae Duc, have a terrible, dark secret. Besides my parents and the doctors, you're the only thing that knows the truth about me.
I am going to DIE.
I can't believe it. I'm still so young but now I have to face the harsh reality that I'm going to die soon. Oh my God, why me? One day I was healthy like a lamb, the next day I found out I was going to die. It was supposed to be one of those glorious summers days but when I just woke up and got out of bed-ow, that pain again.
It felt like something was eating my insides and it was slowly moving it's way toward my back. At first I thought the aches and pain came from my dancing but then I realised how much worse it got at night. I've been trying to avoid the pain and I've been really good at working around it but suddenly today the pain struck. It hurt so badly. I was dancing and suddenly this deep, excruciating burst of pain caused me to double over and black out. When I came to, I'm lying right here in this hospital bed and that's why I'm writing to you right now. The first noise I heard was someone crying. I recognised that voice anywhere. It was my mommy.
Oh God.
Whatever it is, I've got it bad. I know it's not for certain but the first thing that came to my mind is that I'm going to die. The doctors already ran some tests and this sonogram on me so I'll know the results in the morning. I don't want to think about this anymore. I need to think about something else that will take my mind off it.
Seo Hye Young. I wonder what she's doing right now. Is she thinking about me?
Very unlikely.
She's been yearning for Jae Jin the past 4 years already, she doesn't even know that I existed. But wait, she was there when I fainted. I wonder if she'll be one of those Florence Nightingale nurses and heal me with her love. Hee hee.
Ouch.
I think I'll go to sleep now. Good night and see you in the morning.
Love, Duckie
***
June 10
Pancreatic/Liver Cancer.
That's what I've been diagnosed with. Oh my gawd, I don't believe it. I do have a real disease and I'm going to die from it. When I checked my stomach, the skin was still smooth and intact. But I kept thinking that there's going to be this little alien (like in the movies) that's going to pop out any minute now and it's going to kill me.
The tumour had already spread to my liver and around my pancreas and I've reached Stage III. No operation can be done for me and no medicine in the world will save me.
Those fucking doctors.(Pardon my French)
How can I reach Stage III without anyone noticing or detecting that there is something wrong with me? But it's my fault that I didn't go to the doctor sooner. And now, I must pay for my mistakes. That's so unfair! I can't die yet! I still haven't asked Hye Young out and I still haven't opened my dance school. I never felt so hopeless in my life.
Today, just to distract myself, I thought of Hye Young. When I think about it, there isn't anything remarkable about her looks, she was just ordinary. Long black hair, 2 brown eyes, 1 nose, a mouth and around 5'.
Overall, just average.
But I did fall in love with her the moment we met. It was her kind and gentle heart that captured my own. It was 4 years ago and I was practicing some new moves I created. I think I showed off too much and my ankle snapped when I was doing my back-down dance. Hye Young appeared out of nowhere and she fixed it for me.
And that moment, in my head I heard a choir singing and a mist surrounded Hye Young as if heaven was welcoming her. Seo Hye Young was an angel.
My angel.
But too soon I came to learn that she came looking for Jae Jin. I know she's my best friend's girl and she's off limits but my heart won't let me stop loving her. I'm getting a headache from all this. I'm going to take a nap now.
Laters, Jae Duc.
***
June 11
Hi Choom Ggoon!
I've decided to give you a name instead of calling you 'journal'. It's my nickname that my friends had given me and since I can't tell myself that, I'll call you that now. :)
Jin came to visit me today. I know I should sound more enthusiastic about it since he's my best friend and all, but I was disappointed that Hye Young wasn't there. As if Jae Jin could read my mind, he informed me that Hye Young would be visiting me when I come home tomorrow.
Yikes!
Did he know? He couldn't have possibly guessed it, I've been too discreet about my secret crush on Hye Young. Still, I couldn't help but feel that I've betrayed my best friend. Jae Jin spend the whole day with me, filling me in what I've missed and all but I kept pondering him with questions about Hye Young. I tried to make myself less obvious and nonchalant as possible but I talk too much for my own sake. Let's just see what happens tomorrow. I think I'll end this entry here.
Me, the Quackster
***
June 12
HyeYoungcametoseeme!HyeYoungcametoseeme!HyeYoungcametoseeme! Hold on, let me catch my breath. I'm getting too excited over this simple, friendly gesture. Now that I've calmed down a bit, let me tell you what happened Choom Ggoon. Hye Young came to see me! Yes, me!
Can you believe it?
I couldn't either but when I came home today she was already at my house with flowers. Well, she wasn't the only one there because all the guys in QuickSilver and a few other friends from school were there too. But still, it doesn't matter to me. Hye Young was there.
Everybody was unusually nice to me and pretends that nothing is going on but I did overhear the doctors telling my parents to go on with our normal daily life as if nothing happened.
Qucksilver.
Those bastards. Always forgetting my birthday on purpose but today they showered me with gifts like there's no tomorrow. Jeez. The best gift they give me is a few minutes alone with Hye Young. I wanted to talk to her.
No! It's not what you're thinking. I may seem easy-going and talkative and there's this sickness in my hands that's making my life run short, but I'm still not ready to confess my undying love for her yet. Maybe I'll say that tomorrow but not today. There are too many people at my house and I can't stand the embarrassment of being rejected.
Everyone stayed pretty late and Hye Young was the last to leave. I wailed her to the door and she blessed me with the news of visiting me tomorrow. Hopefully tonight I'll see her in my dreams.
Yours truly, Duckie
***
June 13
Choon Ggoom!
You won't believe what happened today! I know, so many surprises huh? Hye Young told me she loves me! Can you believe it? I'm going in a wild frenzy right now at this unexpected confession. I'm going delirious and overjoyed beyond my wildest imagination. I've always dreamed of Hye Young someday saying those words but now that she has, I just don't know how to take it.
I asked about Jae Jin and she told me that they were just friends now and I'm not that bad guy! Yay!
So should I just close my eyes and plunge right in or give it some time? No, I really can't give it time. The grains of sand in my hourglass are running out fast and every minute is precious to me. Hye Young was so sweet, she didn't pressure me to say that I love her back (although I do) and she said that she'd give me some time. I don't think, I know I'm in love. More updates later.
Mr.Seo Hye Young (hee hee)
***
June 13 thru June 18
This whole week had been my dream of an ideal heaven. I spent every waking moment with Hye Young. She was just so cute! She took me to the mall, ice-skating and even raving! I can't remember when I had this much fun. Hye Young had even kissed me several times during our dates.
(Jeez, I'm blushing right now just telling you this :))
At first I was so surprised to say or do anything but after a while I began to open up and kissed her back. It felt completely natural as if I've been kissing her my whole life. I think I just discovered what the meaning of life is.
Seo Hye Young.
Up until now, I haven't realized what it felt like to be fulfilled and be truly happy. I guess when you don't have much time you cherish it more now. Things with Hye Young are going along so well now that I would hate to see it end. My outlook for the future is really bleak and fleeting. But you never know, you might be hearing some wedding bells soon. I gotta go call Hye Young now and make plans for tomorrow. Sorry this entry isn't long.
Bye!
Duckie
***
June 19
I hate Lee Jae Jin and Seo Hye Young. That ===== and that stupid =====. Sorry Choom Ggoon. I had to scratch out those cuss words. They don't really deserve that from me. But I can't believe them! Let me tell you what happened. Today Hye Young took me to Lotte World and it started out wonderful but it ended in disaster.
My heart was broken. :(
Anyway, we were heading on home and Hye Young said she needed to go to the bathroom real quick. I waited for her but after a while, I got worried so I looked for her. I saw her talking to Jae Jin and they must have not see me come closer to them.
My senses have become dull but my hearing was sharpened. I overheard them talking about how their plan is going well to make my days better. Hye Young had pretended to like me all this time. It felt like someone had stab me with a thousand knives.
I don't want their damn pity!
I strode over to them and gave them a piece of my mind. Then, I ran home. They had called several times and I hung up on them each time. I don't ever want to see them again. Never would be too soon for me. I never felt so betrayed in my life. My best friend and my only love scheming against me. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now. G'nite.
Jae Duc.
***
June 20
Sorry Choom Ggoon. Tonight I don't feel too well. I can hardly hold up this pen to write. I haven't heard from those two people yet so I don't have any news to fill you in with. I'll be heading off to bed now. Talk to you later.
Kim Jae Duc
***
June 21 thru June 28
[The missing entries]
***
June 29
My dearest Choom Ggoon,
Don't you think that I've been neglecting you. The night that I wrote to you the merciless pain hit hard and I was rushed to the hospital immediately. They did an anagram and a laparatomy on me. The pain was unbearable. The anagram made me stick tubes in my veins and the laparatomy is the exploratory examination where they had to cut me open.
Now I've got holes and stitches everywhere. But you know what? During my hallucination, I could have sworn I saw Hye Young in the operating room but I don't think she's allowed in. Maybe I miss her too much and I'm seeing things. After the operation, I look like a freak, but luckily, I still have my hair. I forgot to mention to you that patients diagnosed with this type of cancer have a life span of 3 weeks to 3 months.
Not very long huh?
And I've already wasted...how long? I have no idea because I didn't check with the doctor soon enough to find out when the cancer had spread. This silent disease is now eating me away. I could go any day now. These long days that I had spent in the hospital bed, I kept replaying the scene of Jae Jin and Hye Young in my head over and over again. Two people in the world that I loved the most hurt me more than this cancer ever could. I don't want to think about them anymore and right now, you're my only friend.
No one understands what I'm going through. They don't know what it feels like living each day wondering if it's going to be their last. Well, that's it from me now. Bye bye...
Duckie
***
June 30
Hye Young came by today. I didn't want to see her though. I specifically told my mommy that I wanted no visitors, but when Hye Young left, my mommy came in with this card from her. I threw it into the corner, not bothering to even read it. It's probably one of those 'Dear Abby' letters, begging me for forgiveness. I want nothing to do with her anymore.
I hate Seo Hye Young and Lee Jae Jin.
Wait, I take that back. Hate is such a strong word. To be honest Choom Ggoon, I still love them both but I'm not ready to forgive them for what they did. It was deceitful and down-right wrong.
My mommy brought breakfast in bed for me today. I felt so bad just looking at her. I loved my parents dearly and this whole time I've been neglecting them. I was so selfish, thinking only about myself and not them. My parents seem to age these past few weeks worrying over me but I just told them how much I love them both. My mommy's choking sobs and daddy's proud face let me know that they understood.
Later on I overheard them whispering to each other about how I'm going downhill so fast. How much weaker I was and how much paler I was becoming. I don't care. (I know I'm being selfish again) I don't give a damn about anything anymore. I just want to die right now and not listen to all this crap. Ironically, what I really wanted is more time to sort out my feelings and figure out how to solve this whole mess. I'm just going to sleep on it now Choom Ggoon.
Thanks for listening.
Duckie
***
July 1
I want to live. Up until yesterday, I didn't have a chance to acknowledge that it's my unconditional right to live. My cancer must have spread to my brain or something because it made a hella cranky and less understanding. Last night a startling revelation came to me.
So what if Jae Jin and Hye Young tricked me? They were only doing it because they loved me as much as I loved them. I called Jae Jin and apologized for acting like such a jerk. He accepted it graciously like any good friend would. Now all I have left to do is confess my love to Hye Young. It was an abrupt decision on my part but I had no choice. I was desperate and I'm running out of time.
It doesn't matter to me anymore whether or not she loves me back but at least I told her. I will say the words that I've been hiding inside me for so long and reveal the truth. I love Seo Hye Young. Yes, I will definitely tell her that I love her Choom Ggoon and I will NOT back out. Yes, I will tell her I love her. Tomorrow.
Duckie
*~*~*~*
That was the last entry written by Kim Jae Duc. He never did tell Seo Hye Young that he loved her. He had died unexpectedly that night during his endless slumber. His mother had come in to check up on him, but she found her son's body had become cold and lifeless. He had died with the regret of not telling Hye Young that he loved her because Jae Duc's tomorrow never came.
If he had only opened that letter Hye Young had given him, he would have known the truth about her. Inside the envelope was Hye Young's confession that she had been secretly in love with Jae Duc the past 3 years. The first year she had dated Jae Jin but during that time her feelings had changed and Jae Jin knew it too. Hye Young still came in to Quicksilver's practice though, but only to see Jae Duc.
He brought laughter into her lonely life and upon hearing the news that Jae Duc had a terminal illness, Hye Young was but a fraction of her former self. She didn't care that Jae Duc had cancer, she just wanted to know if he had love her or not, and she wanted to spend his last remaining days with him.
So many 'ifs', yet they weren't carried out. If only one of them had made the move first, there could have been infinite possibilities for Jae Duc and Hye Young, even though their time together will be severed short. But now, we'll never know. You must be wondering how do I know that Hye Young loved Jae Duc too? The answer really is simple.
I am Seo Hye Young.
The End
Author's Note : some words are censored
Originally Written By : Val
Ok...erm...
today during PJK, didn't do sports...was sitting around whole day so boring...haizz...first time didn't sweat during PJK class...then Pn.Rosmalinda wrote my name down...ZzZ...she ask me whether I got do anything just now...I so innocently and tell her the truth that I didn't...Zzz...stupid me...
Then....crap crap crap...n crap...
We practise the singing thing, quite ok I guess...then...hmm...Lydia almost want to make us wear hideous clothings again...but in the end dun have...muahaha!!! Yay!!!
After school then straight go free-acting...
how i really hate that "SOMEONE"...so bossy around me...Grr...can't stand her attitude that SEI YAN TAO...
Ok...can't blame her everything but still...I really bhu shuang loh they speak chinese and I dunno wat the crap she's saying...making...the sketch...more...ho-rri-ble...I think...
Ok la i guess today's acting...now we not that dumb dumb and blurz liao...
But still need to correct some parts...
Erm...I see when can download that video bah...if my friends let me...lol...
-.-" my speaker spoil...can't hear a single sound...ZzZ...crap crap!! C-R-A-P!!!
lol...hmm...
CRAP!!!
Then go out with Sara go buy my stationary then go 7-Eleven eat Hot Cup noodles (we no more money go eat proper food...lolx =x)
Then I buy 1 packet of Twisties go back school eat the whole packet coz of stress...haizz..
Then we walk to Block G to see Yean Lynn then...we were held back to be filmed...ZzZ...
Wai seh...the guy (or maybe the director) so cute...lol...xD =x
Seriously...the first time I saw him walking towards me I was like...who is that outsider guy dressed in...a weird school uniform...
He's not from our school...they were acting...lol...some kind of show...
Then...me & Sara sarcastically act along then 30 minutes later they finally let us go...
Zzz...
Lol...
Then...lol....I lie on the teacher's table in class & sleep...lol...
the atmosphere so nice that I manage to sleep... :D serious...
It's like in camping d...but too bad...4pm go home liao...lolx...
Hmm...lol...I found out that Yi Heng, the Scouts Pengerusi knows that I hate him...
Lol...=x my bad...Sara told me it was obvious of my behavior everytime I see him coz I was...like...very rude to him? lol...
Man...was I really treating him that bad...=x...
Shall say sorry to him!!!
Someday..
One day....
Maybe after I die...(CHOI!!!)
Ok...what else...
I shall write down a story, very rare and hard to find. Gurantee you readers. There's only 2 ways you can read this story. Is my blog and the author's story.
I won't tell you the author's story web link. Coz it's a secret~^^v
And the story quite sad...it did make me cry, if you've cried while reading "What I Did For Love" then you will also cry on this one. Amazing...
Hehe...but lazy type leh...Zzz...I took about 3 hours to write out this story by hand...ZzZ...but maybe it'll take me 1 or 2 hours to type & post it...
Can't copy it...it's copyright...can't even print it...lolx...
I'll stop here for now...cya all~
today during PJK, didn't do sports...was sitting around whole day so boring...haizz...first time didn't sweat during PJK class...then Pn.Rosmalinda wrote my name down...ZzZ...she ask me whether I got do anything just now...I so innocently and tell her the truth that I didn't...Zzz...stupid me...
Then....crap crap crap...n crap...
We practise the singing thing, quite ok I guess...then...hmm...Lydia almost want to make us wear hideous clothings again...but in the end dun have...muahaha!!! Yay!!!
After school then straight go free-acting...
how i really hate that "SOMEONE"...so bossy around me...Grr...can't stand her attitude that SEI YAN TAO...
Ok...can't blame her everything but still...I really bhu shuang loh they speak chinese and I dunno wat the crap she's saying...making...the sketch...more...ho-rri-ble...I think...
Ok la i guess today's acting...now we not that dumb dumb and blurz liao...
But still need to correct some parts...
Erm...I see when can download that video bah...if my friends let me...lol...
-.-" my speaker spoil...can't hear a single sound...ZzZ...crap crap!! C-R-A-P!!!
lol...hmm...
CRAP!!!
Then go out with Sara go buy my stationary then go 7-Eleven eat Hot Cup noodles (we no more money go eat proper food...lolx =x)
Then I buy 1 packet of Twisties go back school eat the whole packet coz of stress...haizz..
Then we walk to Block G to see Yean Lynn then...we were held back to be filmed...ZzZ...
Wai seh...the guy (or maybe the director) so cute...lol...xD =x
Seriously...the first time I saw him walking towards me I was like...who is that outsider guy dressed in...a weird school uniform...
He's not from our school...they were acting...lol...some kind of show...
Then...me & Sara sarcastically act along then 30 minutes later they finally let us go...
Zzz...
Lol...
Then...lol....I lie on the teacher's table in class & sleep...lol...
the atmosphere so nice that I manage to sleep... :D serious...
It's like in camping d...but too bad...4pm go home liao...lolx...
Hmm...lol...I found out that Yi Heng, the Scouts Pengerusi knows that I hate him...
Lol...=x my bad...Sara told me it was obvious of my behavior everytime I see him coz I was...like...very rude to him? lol...
Man...was I really treating him that bad...=x...
Shall say sorry to him!!!
Someday..
One day....
Maybe after I die...(CHOI!!!)
Ok...what else...
I shall write down a story, very rare and hard to find. Gurantee you readers. There's only 2 ways you can read this story. Is my blog and the author's story.
I won't tell you the author's story web link. Coz it's a secret~^^v
And the story quite sad...it did make me cry, if you've cried while reading "What I Did For Love" then you will also cry on this one. Amazing...
Hehe...but lazy type leh...Zzz...I took about 3 hours to write out this story by hand...ZzZ...but maybe it'll take me 1 or 2 hours to type & post it...
Can't copy it...it's copyright...can't even print it...lolx...
I'll stop here for now...cya all~
This is the video we took in Yean Lynn's uncle house yesterday...
After doing her project we brought up an idea to act a silly sketch...lolx...
But I had no idea what we were acting...lolx...
So...guess we simply act though...
[Video Removed Due To A Monster Attacking Me If I Didn't Delete It]
I think total got 3 scencens...
Erm...I roughly describe about the video, it's about...a boy finding...someone...I dunno how la...the time for the video is long long time ago...so...watch la...lol...
You see sia...I dunno myself also...
Credits :
Shin Yee - Camera Women...lolx...maybe should call handphone women (coz she use her handphone video take d)
Yean Lynn - the boy who wonders around finding...someone...lol
Siew Lin(me) - a total idiot who doesn't know anything but acts along for fun...lol
Sara - in the bad mood but drag her along to act to cheer her up :)
P.S : Shin Yee bad camera women...and the worst video quality...ever...lol...
will be making a video again this friday. sure better then this...!!lol...
(i really look dam stupid n idiot in that video...coz i dunno wat am i suppose to do....but everyone's an idiot in that video...xD)
After doing her project we brought up an idea to act a silly sketch...lolx...
But I had no idea what we were acting...lolx...
So...guess we simply act though...
[Video Removed Due To A Monster Attacking Me If I Didn't Delete It]
I think total got 3 scencens...
Erm...I roughly describe about the video, it's about...a boy finding...someone...I dunno how la...the time for the video is long long time ago...so...watch la...lol...
You see sia...I dunno myself also...
Credits :
Shin Yee - Camera Women...lolx...maybe should call handphone women (coz she use her handphone video take d)
Yean Lynn - the boy who wonders around finding...someone...lol
Siew Lin(me) - a total idiot who doesn't know anything but acts along for fun...lol
Sara - in the bad mood but drag her along to act to cheer her up :)
P.S : Shin Yee bad camera women...and the worst video quality...ever...lol...
will be making a video again this friday. sure better then this...!!lol...
(i really look dam stupid n idiot in that video...coz i dunno wat am i suppose to do....but everyone's an idiot in that video...xD)