Year 1992 - 1994
Nothing much but a small fraction of memories. Every year, on my birthday. Dad always celebrates my birthday with lots of people. Aunties, Uncles...hold me...kiss me...Eww...hug me...cuddle me...pinch my cheeks...
say how pretty and fat I am and what big eyes I have...-.-"
I crawled around the floor and always hides under the sofa...can you imagine how old-dated back then was? The TV was in black and white ~.~
I always likes to sit on the toy car...LOL...
Still wearing pampers...~.~
My parents hire a maid to take care of me. They went out station. So I was all alone at home in KL with a maid.
I kept crying for my parents and kept climbing up and down the entrance door to find a way out -.-"
The maid gave me a chewing gum. Half of it. And I chewed it. It was so nice that I stopped crying.
And I went to sleep, with the chewing gum still in my mouth!!!
I woke up the next day, the chewing gum in my mouth rotted like...Eww...and spitted it out into
the dustbin.
Can imagine...I would be dead by now.
Year 1995 - 1998
The maid, still staying with us after we moved to Penang. She refused to give me chewing gum TT.
I wasted alot of food. I was playful. When I dislike the food, after the maid gave me 1 spoon of food, I will go outside of the play room and spit into the dustbin. -.-"
The first time that my parents put me in Kindergarden. I cried and cried. I held onto my mom's shirt and refused to let go. Then, they show me a book which was the very same book I like to read at home. I stopped crying and read the book. When I realise my mom is gone. LOLLLLLL, SHE RUN AWAY!!! I started crying for my mom again...ZzZ...
I got used to it after that, and there was one time when some kids who was bullying a retarded looking boy. I scold them and say these stupid sentences.
"Don't bully him!!! He's my friend!!! I ask my mommy to treat him McDonalds!!!"
LOLLLLLLLLLLL...stupid hor? The most stupid thing is that I hold his hand and kiss his cheek.
LMAO!!!...
Soon after a few months there, mom transferred me to a new kindergarden school. Thang Shiang school. It's also a temple. This is the place where I got my 1st religion as a Buddhist and learning Chinese for the 1st time.
I didn't do 100% well for my grades. All I only did was play, play, play, and play.
One time, during Halloween day, my dad went outstation. One of my sister got sick, so mom brought us out to pay a clinic a visit. During the journey, sitting an old car. One of the wheels came out and clearly enough, we almost died in the car accident. Lucky the car was near the sidewalk path, so the car lean on the sidewalk. ~.~
Year 1999 - My First Year In Primary School
As I was studying in Penang. My first primary school was SJK(C) Kwang Hwa. It was a Chinese school. I felt very scared when my parents weren't around. I never talk to anyone.
My form teacher will always scold me ~.~ and I just look at her.
I don't know even know how to write back then, so all my notes is my mate, sitting next to me help me copy all d. lolx...then when my teacher found out, she caned me and erase the whole book and ask me write myself...lolx...
We aren't allow to leave long hair unless for students who are learning ballet.
How I Got The Name Char Siew Bao
While I was studying in my primary school days, my study really sucks and the exam standard in Penang is very difficult. I can't even A's for my English, or maybe I wasn't that 'pro' back then.
My mom found a schoolmate who lives opposite, JUST OPPOSITE my apartment building.
His name his Foong Wei Rong.
His elder brother is Foong Wei Ling. Ohh, yes...he is handsome, I thought when I first saw him.
I would always go to his house every single day to study with them. Because of his father, I know the basic language of Chinese.
After few weeks, Wei Rong seems to hate the absence of me being around him and find me very annoying, every single day.
Year after year, things change. Every morning Wei Rong parents would fetch me to school.
Going back my mom would fetch. Carpool for simple.
He would grumbles every morning and blame me for making him late.
He would grumbles again when my mom comes late.
He would laugh at me when I just newly cut my hair.
He would always call me 'Siao Char Bor'. LOLLLL...>.>
He will always hit me.
Then I would chase him.
But 80% of losing because he runs too fast.
Then he started calling me Char Siew Bao. His friends followed his footsteps and Ta-Dah. That's how I got my name.
I seem to hate it at first, but I slowly got used to it and it begin to be part of my life.
We will always play together, although he is a big bully, but he always play with me every single day without fail. Chasing each other. Whacking and hitting each other.
What I know is, he seems to takeaway the loneliness and make all my current troubles temporarily go away.
A Broken Family
At Year 2003, mom found out that dad was having affairs with other women.
His salary is mostly spend on them. He seldom gives the money to my mom.
I hear them quarrel every night and having a hard time sleeping.
Sometimes, on my way out to the entrance door to Wei Rong's parents car to go to school. I would find my Dad coming back home at that time. Then sometimes I would hide myself before he can see me. It was 6am.
Money became a problem for my family then. We can't make calls using the house phone. Can't watch Astro TV.
Everyday after school, I would be alone at home. In a very quiet house doing nothing. Sometimes going over to Wei Rong's house to play with him when he is available.
I was desperate to escape this loneliness and misery.
My father decided to sell his apartment. So I seldom see my dad again. I started to hate him.
HATE HIM TO THE CORE THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM!!!
But, well then...after that...things were quite different naturally. I can't remember much, but mom told me these things happen :
I begin to sleep walk every night.
Crying while sleeping.
I told my tuition teacher that I wanted to kill myself.
I took my piggy bank money and buy chewing gum...LOL...this one only myself knows.
I performed badly at school.
I misbehave and acted wildly with all my tuition teachers.
and many more.
Sooner after that, my mom divorced with my dad and took me and my two sister to KL to start a new life there.
I Became A Tomboy
I took up ballet when I was standard 5, Year 2001.
It was kinda fun. After school every Tuesday. I would stay back and change behind the stage in the school assembly hall with other girls. I grew long hair back then. My teacher name is Mrs. Wong.
Ever since I took up ballet, I stayed back at school a lot and seldom played with Wei Rong again.
I tend to miss playing with him when he's not around.
But even with ballet, I never felt like I truly belonged to the group.
The girls came from well to do families, and they would always bully me.
No one spoke good English with me, and they were just too girlish.
I never understand how and what was the right way of acting or behaving like a girl.
I just know that, I exist, and I only like to chase boys, or specifically, Foong Wei Rong.
But after moving to KL at Year 2003.
I quitted ballet and got my hair cut, because it was the policy of the school to have short hairs unless you belonged in the ballet group. But I was not part of that anymore, and I never again to left long hair ever again.
I started chasing boys again, and this time, it was a guy name Andrew Chong.
I hangout with cool girls who also chased guys too.
And that's how I gain my shy but tomboy-ish personality.
Loneliness & Waiting
My studies and grades were really bad.
And because of this, I was forced to take up tuitions and stayed back at school to attend more classes.
Among my friends, I was the only one attending extra classes.
After my classes end, I spend most of my time waiting for my parents to fetch me.
Usually it's my mom who would fetch me.
My parents were going through a rough patch, and maybe because of this, it took longer time for them to pick me up.
My parents did arrange a private transport for me.
But there was one time I cried when I realized that the private van actually left me behind school. They have forgotten me!!
I kept crying and crying, and didn't know what to do. I felt so lonely and scared.
But I knew the way back home. Despite being very far, I started my journey walking my way back home, until a familiar private van drove in the curb of the school, that's where I realize, I wasn't left behind! I felt relieved and happy I can finally go back.
This thing happened twice and I felt very traumatize by it.
Even when I tried to ensure that the 2nd time won't happen, but it did, and I panicked and got blinded by emotions again. I was scared when people leave me behind.
I never knew how to handle it like a real adult, and no one ever taught me how to call an adult to ask for help.
And there were times when I had to wait all alone, and not knowing when my mom will get me.
I waited at the school gate. No one was there, and I just waited and waited.
I came out with all sorts of games to play with myself.
Invisible friend.
Running and climbing the bench like it's my own house.
Counting how many "feet" it takes from one end to another.
Counting the steps from the gate to the entrance of the school.
It became minutes, and hours. Or maybe forever.
I became bored and realized that maybe my mom was never going to pick me.
And I started crying and crying. Knowing that no one remembered or loved me.
I felt abandoned and homeless.
But in the end, they do appeared. After much long of a wait.
These happens a few times, and at that time, I've gotten used to the waiting.
I guess it numbed me but somehow, the feeling of abandonment and waiting still subconsciously affects me from time to time. I'm still traumatized with the waiting, and being abandoned.
Maybe that's why I fear it the most when the people I love, leave me for good.
Friendship
So far, the closest boy-friend was my childhood friend Wei Rong. Yeah. We spend most of our time chasing and playing with each other and make me laugh when I needed the most.
The next girl-friend was Tay Meow Chen. I forgot how to spell her name. She was the only friendship I yearn the most. She has many more friends other then me, so I get jealous and lonely alot.
I was very shy to mix around with people.
I was naive, selfish, jealous and lot more. Just because I was yearning someone to love me and to be at my side the whole time and listen to my problems. I even had to tell lies to get people's attention.
After I moved to KL. Meow Chen and me still got along for another 2 years before we lost contact.
And there, our friendship ended.
Life In Kuala Lumpur
Life in KL improved alot. Although it took me 1 year to get used to the different environment.
My studies improved a little. But still bad because almost every subject is in Chinese!!!!
I was studying in SJK(C) St.Teresa. A very small chinese school.
I made friends. Friends who made me laugh, but never last in the end after graduating.
I remember how I got a friend. I kept turning to the back and asking her questions.
LOL...so that's how our friendship got started. >.>
Siew Lin : *turns to the back* Hey...do you remember which page Pn.Lilian ask us to do?
??? : Erh...yeah...Page56
Siew Lin : Oh yeah! I remember liao. Thank you. *turns back*
Next Day,
Siew Lin : *turns to the back* Erh...hey..what's your name arh?
??? : Erm......
Siew Lin : Oh...how you do this question? *shows book*
??? : Oh...it's like this...
Siew Lin : Oh...
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